The Backpack Invisible Edition from Alex Pardee x Mighty Jaxx

   I'm a bit worries that this toy is based on something that can happen to me in real life.  That someday I'll be walking down the street and an evil imp will drop from a tree and latch on to my back like a barnacle.  Upon securing himself firmly to my central nervous system, he will then force me to follow Nickelback on tour all around the country and refuse to chip in for gas or the therapy I'll need after having to witness Nickelback play 28 times in a row.  You're lucky I'm here to help keep you safe by bringing awareness to such fictional issues.

    Alex Pardee resides in Florida, which is the state I would expect to have something like this happen.  After all they still have dinosaurs roaming around and everyone rides ATV's to work.  This is The Backpack, which like Human Centipede, is a name that seems to down play the seriousness of the affliction.

    This crystal clear edition was produced by Mighty Jaxx and is available right now by visiting http://mightyjaxx.rocks.  Study it and find the cure before it consumes us all!

    

Glamour Girl Vase from Dita Von Teese

 

    Yeah so technically this isn't a toy, but it is a collectible and I want one so that's good enough for me to write about it.  You can be liberal like that when you're the boss. And speaking of bosses, the queen of burlesque Dita Von Teese has gotten into the ceramics game with this glamour girl vase.  Made in the style of the very collectible vintage editions, each one is not only beautiful but also utilitarian and can hold flowers, paint brushes, or your collection of restraining orders.  I would bet in her line of work you have to dole one out every once in a while just to let people know you're not playing around.

    Add some glamour to your collection (lord knows it could use some) today for $65 by visiting https://shop.dita.net.

New Work Available Now from Colin Christian

    Admit it, you need some glitter in your life.  You need some super sparkly things to hang on your wall but what you don't need is the unwritten rule of glitter, in that you will find bits and pieces of it everywhere for the rest of your life.  Put glitter on something just once and you will find it in your eyelids, on your cats, at your desk at work and anywhere else you can imagine.  Inviting glitter into your home in its raw form is like watching that tape from The Ring.  Glitter is the girl in the well in case you didn't see where I was going with that.

    Fear not though, because Colin Christian has ensured that any of the shiny stuff he uses in his beautiful sculptures will stay exactly where it's intended to.  And he has used quit a generous amount of it in his new work, all of which is available right now.  Seriously, put a spotlight on one of these and you'll be seeing those purple blobs every time you blink your eyes for at least a week and a half.  They are literally stealing light from other galaxies to reflect back at you in glorious fashion.   This is but a sample of the work he has up right now at http://sasandcolinchristian.bigcartel.com.  All of it is beyond affordable, so go and add some original art to your life.

The Cybot Avengers from Buzzard Guts x DAMarx Toys

    Cosplay is a pretty strange thing to me, mostly because I can't figure out where people stash their wallets when they're only wearing spandex.  I could never dress up like that mostly because I would personally feel dumb and I wouldn't want people stopping me to ask for a picture all the time at conventions.  I'd be the grumpy guy with his body painted to look like a Thundercat and yelling about how "I don't appreciate people invading my privacy and all of the attention is really unwanted and could you please just leave me alone."  That would be funny to me.  

    My favorite part of cosplay that doesn't involve someone losing an eye when accidentally struck by a cardboard weapon is when people do clever mashups.  Taking a character and dropping him into an entirely different universe than his own is quite entertaining.  That same spirit can be seen in this bootleg series of figures from Buzzard Guts and DAMarx Toys.  They've taken a couple of droids from Star Wars and dressed them up to look like The Avengers and slapped em on some cards that are reminiscent of classic Marvel covers.  You can have one for $40 or the whole set for $150.  Only 5 whole sets were made and you can snag em this Friday, February 24th, at 7pm eastern time through http://buzzardguts.storenvy.com.  

Sushi Cars from tokidoki

     Which of these two scenarios do you find to be the most dangerous:  eating sushi that you bought from a gas station, or filling up a car made of sushi and speeding down the New Jersey Turnpike at 80 miles an hour?  Either one will most likely end in your demise, but the first one would be much slower and more painful in areas you didn't know could hurt so badly.  Go ahead and try to find such poignant discussion on any other toy site.  We're expanding minds here, people!

    A real life car made of raw fish and rice is probably not the best idea, but in the world of tokidoki it makes perfect sense.  You didn't expect an array of characters such as this to be putzing around in a Lincoln did you, especially not after those creepy Mathew McConaughey commercials.  Cute folks drive cute cars no matter if you can figure out how the mechanics would translate into the real world or not.  They don't need engines, because they are obviously powered by adorable.  

    These blind box speedsters are available now at www.tokidoki.it and wherever designer toys are sold.

Foam Madballs from Kidrobot

    Does anyone else think of the stupid stuff they would do if they were ever rich?  I don't mean like hunting other human beings for sport on an island in the Pacific; I'm talking about non psychotic stuff.  I have been inspired by these foam Madballs from Kidrobot to fill an Olympic sized pool with them to create the ultimate ball pit.  And no, don't think you can come over and use it either, because this isn't some gimmicky pizza joint with a dancing rat where kids are peeing and pooping in there and spreading diseases the CDC can't even cure.  It's mine and I never want to have to worry about diving in and getting cholera all over me.

    I don't know how much it would cost to fill a giant pool with these, so I'm gonna start out with  large bowl and see where that takes me.  These throwbacks to the classic toy line are available right now at www.kidrobot.com for $9.99 each.

Valentine's Suck Salon with The Sucklord

   I personally have never been to one of these Sucklord shindigs that all the cool cats are raving about, but a photo did leak from the last one that he held.  This is an exclusive look, brought to you through the hours a day I spend propagating fake news and alternative facts, of what his last gathering looked like:

    Dear God it's more intense than even my worldly mind could have conceived!  There's obviously jazz music playing in the background and just out of frame there would have to be the copious amounts of Mary Jane (that's what the kids call it) that inspired such illicit behavior.  If you're into such shenanigans and tomfoolery than I doubt you'd have anything wholesome planned on this Friday, February 17th when The Sucklord once again spits in the face of common decency for his next Suck Salon.  It will be packed full of rebellious youth, communist literature, and the debut one some Lavender Chrome injection molded figures:

    The shininess is intended to cloud your already twisted judgement.  Here's the details so you can ramp up your sign making and coordinate your protests: