Micro Tuttz and Pharaoh Hounds from Argonaut Resins

   My wife and I have a pact that if one of us isn't home the other won't watch shows that we both love.  That leaves me with some pretty bad options, such as Tiny House Nation.  I like shows where they make things, so that parts cool, but I just can't get behind living in one of those.  The idea is noble, until you get the stomach flu and your significant other can't escape the horrors of it because the bathroom is in the living room which doubles as the kitchen/litter box.  Relationships need some mystery and a decent level of air quality.  And I freely admit that I love stuff way too much and would have a hard time limiting myself to what could fit in a hatch back.  Our walls are packed with art and there are things surrounding us that make us happy, so I can't see the benefit of saving money if you're trapped in what amounts to a hipster prison cell.  Now if there's a show out there that will build me a castle on a mountain with tons of wall space and a moat I would apply right now.

  Some things are ok in smaller versions though, like these Tuttz and Pharaoh Hounds from Argonaut Resins.  These little dudes are 3D printed in resin and perfectly sized to fit in the little nooks and crannies of your collection.  Check em out now over at http://argonautresins.bigcartel.com and add some of these insanely affordable ($15 for 2 figures!!) critters to your regular sized house for grown people.

Aliens Warrior Classic Toy Edition from Super7

    On the tail of the trailer for the brand new Alien film and just a few weeks after debuting at Toy Fair, Super7 is making this big ol figure available for preorder.  I've racked my brain trying to think of something funny to say but I'm drawing a blank.  Have I lost my touch?  Is it time to start writing about high school football for the local newspaper?  Will we ever prove that Ted Cruz is in fact The Zodiac Killer?  The future looks cloudy, but if you want to own this eighteen inch behemoth of a toy you can do so by visiting www.super7store.com.  He'll set you back $195, but if money is truly the root of all evil you should be trying to rid yourself of it anyway.  After you buy one of these send me the rest of your tainted cash and I will dispose of it so it can't hurt anyone ever again.

Southern Fried Gentleman from Bigshot Toyworks

    Well I do declare, if it isn't everyone's favorite chicken man reimagined by Bigshot Toyworks.  No fried chicken lover should be without one of these figures paying homage to the ultimate poultry baron.  And just like everyone has their favorite recipe, there are different versions of this jolly fry daddy to meet your specific tastes.  You've got your regular, which is limited to 100 pieces and your uber rare old timey and golden crispy versions which are limited to 20 pieces each.  All three are available right now from https://bigshottoyshop.com.  

Suck-Pop Gay Empire Pin from The Sucklord

    Not everything you want to do in life is practical.  For instance I'm never going to headline Wrestlemania and I've lightly come to terms with that.  And you are never going to be able to wear one of The Sucklord's resin figures on your jean jacket without having your mental stability questioned.  But fear not, because the always enterprising man behind the brand has solved that problem with this new enamel pin.  For a mere $13 you can take the essence of The Sucklord wherever you go.  Stick it right next to your Def Leppard patch and feel confident as you entire into any business meeting.  Pin it to your lunch box and make that peanut butter and jelly sandwich look like something Gordon Ramsey would punch a baby to eat.  Pierce your ear with it and learn all about infectious disease from your trip to the emergency room.  The possibilities are limited only by your imagination/pain threshold.  

Available now from http://suckadelic.myshopify.com

The Crimson Bust from ETC Toys

    Remember last year when everyone was so stoked on The Misfits reunion and they played two shows and then we all sat with bated breath hoping for a full blown tour?  Yeah, I remember.  What are they waiting for?  I've been patient and it doesn't seem like it's going to happen.  I found an interview Danzig did with The New York Times saying those two shows were it, but supposedly they're fake news so I choose to disbelieve it.  Let's make music great again, people!

    Maybe it's time to hold out hope for more practical things, like winning the lottery, but that doesn't mean we have to let it completely die.  ETC Toys has created a run of Crimson Busts in homage to the greatest punk band of all time and you can own one when they go on sale today, Wednesday March 1st.  Available only from http://www.etctoys.bigcartel.com in an edition of 5, these will go up at noon pacific time.  

Geisha Tomorrow Queens from 3A

    I never understand why they would bother training attractive people to be assassins.  They are the least inconspicuous because everyone is always watching them.  If someone that looks like Heidi Klum walks into a room and kills someone, no matter how discreet it is, you will hear the most detailed eyewitness testimony in the history of the American judicial system.  You would think everyone was handed a script to read from.  That's because attractive folks always have other people staring at them, especially if someone was abnormally attractive like how Hollywood always casts these characters.  They couldn't sneak an extra puff pastry without everyone in the room knowing, let alone deliver a lethal dose of poison to an arms dealer.  

    All eyes would definitely be on these ladies from 3A, but they don't look like they're here to take the subtle approach to their business.  Not that you could anyway walking around with sticks like that.  Nope, once you commit to that sort of weapon you're going in melee style and taking down whoever gets in your way.  These 1/6th scale beauties will be available starting this Friday, March 3rd, from http://www.bambalandstore.com for $140 each.  

The Backpack Invisible Edition from Alex Pardee x Mighty Jaxx

   I'm a bit worries that this toy is based on something that can happen to me in real life.  That someday I'll be walking down the street and an evil imp will drop from a tree and latch on to my back like a barnacle.  Upon securing himself firmly to my central nervous system, he will then force me to follow Nickelback on tour all around the country and refuse to chip in for gas or the therapy I'll need after having to witness Nickelback play 28 times in a row.  You're lucky I'm here to help keep you safe by bringing awareness to such fictional issues.

    Alex Pardee resides in Florida, which is the state I would expect to have something like this happen.  After all they still have dinosaurs roaming around and everyone rides ATV's to work.  This is The Backpack, which like Human Centipede, is a name that seems to down play the seriousness of the affliction.

    This crystal clear edition was produced by Mighty Jaxx and is available right now by visiting http://mightyjaxx.rocks.  Study it and find the cure before it consumes us all!