Fauxyard Dunny Series from Boro Bronson and Corner 12

     I took a ceramics class in high school for the same reason that I took three years of French: to meet girls.  Having seen the movie Ghost I knew that the way to a woman's heart is through a pottery wheel, and I was ready to sidle on up like the spectre of Patrick Swayze.  Much like my terrible French accent, ceramics was a total bust and I only made it of the class with a lopsided bowl and a really wonky looking mini toilet that I thought was so clever.  Spoiler alert: girls don't find wonky toilets endearing unless you also have a car that isn't a busted '84 Cadillac in beautiful primer gray that had as much a chance of starting the first time as I had of getting a phone number that wasn't a tow company's.

    My experiences with clay are as described above, but Boro Bronson has mastered the art of polymer on a geometric level.   He's created an entire Dunny series for Corner 12 that are covered in these clay tiles that create a mind blowing pattern all over the figures.  I don't have the patience for such work, as my eyes would cross and I would quickly find something new to do.  Each comes packed in a wooden box and will go on sale today at 12:12pm pacific time at www.corner12.com.

Funko Fools Day at Mothership in Philly

    April Fool's Day is typically reserved for making us all look dumb.  You can't believe anything anyone tells you unless you see proof that has been notarized with a verifiable chain of custody and sworn to under penalty of death.  Even then you still have to be suspicious, cause some folks would literally die to pull a fast one on you.  Fear not though, for there is safe harbor for you on this day filled with lies because Mothership Art Gallery and Designer Toy Store is hosting Funko Fools Days.  You can trade Pop Vinyl figures, see crazy custom ones, or just hang out until you are safe from all trickery.  Everything you need to know is in the picture there and if I'm reading it correctly they even have snacks!  I ran out of snacks days ago but hate going to the grocery store so instead I just complain about it.  

  

"Blown Away" Coarse Omen Figures from Josh Mayhem x Collect and Display

   
    What exactly do birds do in wind storms?  They're so light I just picture them being blown all over the place and then having to make their way back home after the bad weather passes.  Do they have little birdie basements like we do so they can huddle together amid their canned goods?  Surely I could have typed it into my Google machine and easily found the answer, but instead I chose to give you something to ponder at work.  I am nothing if not an expert at wasting time.  (BTW I totally Googled it and the results are fascinating.)

    Josh Mayhem has added his patented wind swept look to a few of Coarse's Omen figures that are an exclusive to Collect and Display.  They are a limited edition of only 12 pieces and will be for sale Friday, March 31st an noon pacific time from https://collectanddisplay.com.  Each one will cost ya $273 American dollars, or the average price of a movie theater soda and popcorn combo.

Gold Sparkle Uglier Unicorn and Shaggy Little Unicorn from Rampage Toys x Tenacious Toys

    Genetics are a great roll of the dice.  Do you ever see a couple that looks like they may have been raised by a family of possums but they have offspring that are beautiful?  The reverse happens all the time too, making you wonder whether someone is letting the waters of their gene pool fill with leaves and dead frogs.  For the love of God cover it with a tarp!

    It's a good thing this Uglier Unicorn from Rampage Toys is at capacity with inner beauty, because his mug is way closer to bridge troll than Brad Pitt.  His companion Shaggy Little Unicorn is all pretty on the outside, but darkness fills her every nook and she will cut you.  These pals are cast in gold sparkle sofubi and are an exclusive to Tenacious Toys.  Unfortunately just like when you have to partner up in science class, the pretty ones are already all gone, but the ugly dude can't wait to breath on your neck while you dissect that frog.  He is like, the nicest guy I swear, and at $35 a fairly cheap date.   

Get him now at www.tenacioustoys.com.  

Voltar Resin Figure from H H Toys

    H.H. Holmes was America's first serial killer and was hung by the neck for his crimes in what is now the parking lot of a grocery store in South Philadelphia.  He is not to be confused with H H Toys, who while also being from Philadelphia have chosen to ply their trade in resin figures rather than murder.  While they may not have a fancy metal placard outside of the super market, the making of toys is more likely to keep them off the gallows.  Except in Texas, as their laws seem deliberately vague to fuel the lucrative death row industry.  Think about it: one trip to the chair is like running a thousand inefficient air conditioners in hundred degree summer heat.  I ain't payin that bill.

    Himmelstass Heimbach Toys are unleashing their latest creation, Voltar, on Wednesday March 29th.  He comes complete with a crystal ball filled with all sorts of information about your future.  Like a casino buffet some of it is good, some of it is bad, but most of it will give you gastrointestinal distress.  This first edition is limited to just 50 pieces and can be found on the aforementioned date starting at 8pm from https://www.etsy.com/shop/samheimer.

Danger Mascot Resin Figure from Tenacious Toys

    It's strange to me that people think because you have cats that you obviously don't like dogs.  I love dogs, I'll have you know, and in fact there aren't any animals that fall outside of the realm of parasites that I don't like.  Even leeches are ok in my book, though my wife is still fighting me on using our basement to farm medical grade leeches for use in hospitals.  That part of the house is pretty much going to waste instead of working for us as a lucrative vampire worm business/tax write off.  

   I don't have the time nor the resources to dedicate to a real dog, but this resin mascot from Tenacious Toys would be a perfect substitute.  Based on the logo illustration from Playful Gorilla, this 2.5 inch figure was sculpted to perfection by Nemo and cast in Tenacious blue by resin wizard Dead Hand Toys.  There will be more colors in the future, but this one will be an open edition to help spread the love of the world's hardest working online toy retailer far and wide.  

    These are available right now for $25 from www.tenacioustoys.com.  

A Plethora of New Releases from Forces of Dorkness

   I love the word "plethora" and try to use it whenever I can as it makes me sound like both a gentleman and a scholar.  And a plethora is the only way to describe this amount of new releases from Forces of Dorkness and the different colors they come in.  Is that Bart Simpson in an R2-D2 outfit, or R2-D2 parading around with Bart's severed head on his dome.  I'm not trying to live your life, so you decide when you pick up one of those little resin dudes for the beyond reasonable price of $19.95. 

    Need some spiritual enlightenment but also obsessed with hunting down Han Solo?  Buddha Fett has the answer to these and even more of life's great mysteries, like how come my cat can stomp around on my remote and get the tv to do things I can't figure out?  He's way smarter than me.  Bring peace to your soul for only $25.00 

  Hahahahahahahahahaha I love this.  Behold, gaze into the confines of the blister pack and look upon all the craps I give.  See how it is empty?  Hahahahahahahahaha.  The perfect gift for the internet troll in your life finally exists, but will they get the not so subtle hint you're throwing down?  Who cares, because them getting it doesn't make it any less funny.  And for only $9.95 you can't find a better deal to turn your haters into your motivators, whatever that means.  Do I have haters?  I had taters the other night and they were delicious and they motivated me to go use my rowing machine.  

   Find these and other treasures at http://forcesofdorkness.storenvy.com.