How To Improve Easter: A Family Guide for Putting Your Kids to Work

    When people conceive of ways to highjack holidays and turn them into greeting card money grabs they should put more thought into it besides financial gain.  I'm looking at you Easter and whoever it was decided to create the Easter egg hunt.  Now I've partaken in my fair share of them when I was a child, but it wasn't until my later years, more specifically last Sunday, that I noticed a huge missed opportunity.  Instead of hiding plastic eggs filled with candy we should utilize what is already strewn about our Earth and not provide treats for a child's ability to spot garishly colored items, but instead reward them for ridding our landscapes of trash.

    To accomplish this we must change the mythos of the Easter Bunny just slightly.  Now he leaves each child a pair of puncture proof gloves and a metal trashcan that they can spend their morning decorating in preparation for the afternoon's hunt.  Once their Easter cans are as festive as can be the race is on to fill one's container with as much refuse as they can possibly stuff into it.  Barely able to carry the fruits of their labor, each child will then be able to exchange their trashcan for a boatload of seasonally themed candies of their choosing.  Thus, you will have raised little heathens that realize work can be fun AND rewarding at the same time in that it benefits them and their environment.  Of course not every child will jump on the band wagon of the new landfill treasure hunt, and they will quickly learn that laziness means that sugar cravings will not be met for another year.  Don't have a yard of your own?  Find an empty lot and all the fun life lessons it may contain.  You cannot be a man of the world unless you can readily identify what you just stepped on as a crack pipe.

   I'm coming for you next Columbus Day and I'm coming armed to the teeth.  

Morgogg amd Ogos Teal Blanks from Skinner

    If you think getting a a blank Morgogg or Ogos figure from Skinner himself was a thing to celebrate, you'd be right.  Just by themselves these figures will elevate your collection to Master P MTV Cribs status.  Their limited availability alone at only 10 pieces each would easily bring you to that baller status, but Skinner is raising the stakes even higher by throwing in 10 original 5x7 art works for 10 lucky people that are able to score one of these plastic behemoths. That's right, half of the people that order these figures will also get some original art to hang on the wall.

    Look at these drawings!!!!!  Hell, these are alone worth the price of the figure and will make some lucky sons of guns very happy.  Once you own original art I imagine the invitations start pouring in for museum openings and you probably get to sit next to Kanye at fashion shows.  Can you imagine all the crazy stuff he'll try to talk to you about?  It will all be just about him, but you'll just have to realize that any connection you make will be completely one sided and he's not the dude to call when you're feeling a bit depressed.  Not that I know anyone like that who just can't let me vent for two seconds without trying to one up me on the "had a bad day" scale.  Just listen Kanye, just listen.

    These will be available at noon pacific time today (Tuesday April 18th) from https://shopcriticalhit.com.

WWE's The Undertaker Bearbrick from Medicom

    When I was around 12 or so the WWE came to the Richmond Coliseum in Virginia for one of their non-televised shows.  After much begging and pleading I convinced my stepfather to take me and we were able to get tickets along the railing where the performers would walk on the way to the ring.  The Undertaker hadn't been in the WWE long, but already he was one of my favorites and the sole reason I wanted to attend that day.  I remember when his ominous music came over the loud speakers, the lights of the arena dimmed, and out came the largest human being I had ever seen in my life.  I don't remember much else about the day, just the sense of awe I had standing next to someone who was bigger than life both physically and through the character he portrayed.

    I wish I could have been there this year when he retired at Wrestlemania, but my wife and I did have the chance to see one of his last matches a few years ago and that was cool to share with her such a memory from my childhood.  You can relive your favorite moments of The Phenom with this new Bearbrick from Medicom.  The 100% version is on sale now from this link for around $14 US dollars, while a much larger version is teased in this pic:

    I might just have to break down and order one of these for myself.  

New WWE Pop Vinyl from Funko

    The WWE merchandising team must have done one of those '80's movies freeze frame high fives when they first saw Finn Balor in his Demon makeup.  I would have lost my mind as a kid and wanted everything I owned to be covered in it.  Give me the officially licensed hoodie, backpack, book covers, Trapper Keeper, Halloween costume, dog sweater, and whatever else you could possibly put it on.  And he has one of the best entrances of all time.  I really think that to start a business meeting off every participant should have to do an entrance as dramatic to assert their dominance in the situation.  Get some music, a fog machine, and let everyone know that negotiations are only going in your favor.  Bring some extra folks holding signs up for added drama.  

    Funko is set to release its latest wave of WWE Pop Vinyl figures and i'm going to have to track down at least one of Finn in his makeup.  I think I like the FYE exclusive one the best but I wouldn't leave the chase figure sitting on the shelf either.  They are also featuring AJ Styles, Goldberg, and Mick Foley in his former role as general manager of RAW.   These should be available everywhere in May. 

Meat Marbled Cestoda Preorder from Miscreation Toys x Toy Art Gallery x Lulubell Toys

    This is pretty much what the back of my neck looks like after spending three hours at the flea market on Sunday.  I have no regrets because I did score a huge Steiff tiger and a small bunny with the button still in its ear for practically nothing and my wife made out like a Pyrex bandit.  I carried countless bowels to the point that I was sure I could have flipped the car over.  I should have known better about the sunburn though, because just thinking about going outside makes my skin turn a little pink.  I suppose if my cats were to eat me in my sleep I'm at least well cooked for them so they can rest easy without the fear of foodborne illness.  

    The Cestoda figure from Miscreation Toys and Toy Art Gallery is a beast that will make you have to rearrange your house in order to own one.  Standing at 11 inches tall and as wide as a Volkswagen (ok, it's a little smaller) this marbled meat version is available right now for preorder through Lulubell Toys.  You have from now until May 21st at 5pm pacific time to pull the trigger on this $250 Japanese vinyl beauty exclusively from https://www.lulubelltoys.com.  

Celebrate Labbit Appreciation Week with Kidrobot

    Ooooooooooooooooooh the greatest week long holiday is back suckas!!!!!!   It's Labbit Appreciation Week and Kidrobot is helping you celebrate the most responsible way by offering sweet discounts on your favorite bun buns.  Check out blog.kidrobot.com every day to see expertly written posts by a man that has been called "the H. P. Lovecraft of our time, but with more poop jokes" and get a discount code to beef up your Labbit collection.  You can also share your favorite Labbits on social media with the hashtag #labbitweek.  

Grimebrute Kickstarter Campaign from Gorgoloid

    If you're looking for a toy to win you The Little Miss Texas pageant this ain't your girl.  If you're looking for something to scare people that are into weird crap like putting makeup on kids and parading them around like show ponies, then may I present to you your new best friend.  This is Grimebrute, a 9 inch tall hunk of plastic nightmare from Gorgoloid.   Before you go cleaning off shelf space he's gonna need you to do a different sort of work.  See, this dude is on Kickstarter right now trying to raise the funds to be put into production.  You have to go to this link, purchase yourself some swanky rewards, and help this thing startle people around the world when they get up to pee at night.