My Pet Monster Vinyl Toy Preorder from Creepy Co

    When I was little I really wanted a pet tiger.  No real particular reason, I just though having a giant cat living in the house would be cool.  Now that I have five normal sized cats I realize what a nightmare that would have been.  Feeding the thing would bankrupt me and cleaning a litter box that something that those little guys use gets bad enough at times; I would need a snow shovel and a back brace to scoop a tiger's litter.  The beauty of wanting stuff as a kid is that practicality never really comes into play.

    My Pet Monster was the everything a kid could ask for:  you could hang out all day with a supernatural creature and you never had worry about it puking up a hairball on your pillow.  You can know relive all of those great childhood memories with this vinyl version from Creepy Co.  Available now for preorder, this 6 inch tall vinyl figure comes in the classic version (limited to 500) and a shackles version (limited to 100).  Hitchhike down the nostalgia highway by visiting https://www.creepycompany.com.
   

Cheese Cat Lottery from Rato Kim x Strange Cat Toys

    Being lactose intolerant means that cheese is the devil.  I've actually only tasted cheese once and it was a terrible accident that was very traumatizing to me and should have resulted in a lawsuit.  I was attending a birthday party when I was young at Burger King and I distinctly recall ordering mine plain:  meat and bun and nothing else.  I take a bit into what I anticipated was flame broiled deliciousness and was instead met with some awful taste.  I inspected the sandwich that had betrayed me and found that there, just atop the meat patty and below the top bun, was a slice of cheese.  I blacked out with the realization that cheese had made its way into my mouth despite being so careful in my 6 years of life.  I spat out the offending bite, wrapped up the Benedict Arnold of a hamburger, and returned it to the counter for a replacement.  Now I am much more careful and thoroughly deconstruct all of my food to ensure no contraband dairy filth makes it past my defenses.  I'm gonna need a minute to work through some feelings.

    I have no quarrel with things that merely look like cheese, so I feel ok with endorsing this latest release from Rato Kim.  Her ridiculously popular Bread Cat is living the fromage life in this exclusive release with Strange Cat Toys.  There are only 10 of these available and for the opportunity to purchase one you must enter a lottery via email.  You have until August 2nd to get your entry in at strangecattoys@outlook.com, and please use "cheese cat" in the subject line so they don't think you're  a hot single in their area trying to meet up tonight.  

SKLFKR: Untouched from Huck Gee x Clutter Magazine

    If I were president of America (which let's be real the standards of the job have been dramatically lowered to "can spell own name" and "can list favorite color")  one of my top priorities is approaching the United Nations about implementing the concept presented in the film Robot Jox to settle all disputes.  In case you're not familiar with said movie, it would involve each country building their own giant robots to duke it out in lieu of actual warfare.  Not only are we saving lives but we're saving a ton of money in military spending that can actually be diverted into more important areas.  Plus, you actually MAKE money by selling tickets to the fights and broadcasting them on pay per view.    Feel free to call me a genius at any time.  

    Who wouldn't watch this guy from Huck Gee and Clutter Magazine give Mecha Kim Jong the business end of that axe?  This twenty inch beast was engineered by the folks at Cubo, is made of a mixture of solid and rotocast resin, and features 11 points of articulation which is just below the legal limit.  You can preorder this white version for $300 when it goes on sale this Friday, July 28th, from shop.cluttermagazine.com.  Until then you should start reinforcing the are where you're going to put him so you don't have one of those Breaking Bad bathtub through the ceiling incidents.  

First Painted Edition of Orion from Brandt Peters x Unbox Industries

    I would have sworn by the year 2017 we would have all kinds of cool Terminator body parts that could shoot flames and save MP3s.  While awesome replacement parts aren't readily available at Costco, having snakes for arms like this dude would be super weird and probably not the most fun.  Could you even carry heavy stuff around, like could you get your snakes extra swole at the gym?  And shaking hands would require the person you're greeting to be bit by venomous reptiles, so good luck making friends.  You'd probably take some pretty epic Instagram pics though, which could get you sponsorships from lots of dumb companies that make weird beauty products that no one needs.  See, I took that positive and totally turned it into a negative.  I am in no way shape or form ready for snake arms.

    While I am not responsible enough for serpent limbs, this mummy bro from Brandt Peters and Unbox Industries has adapted quite well.  This is the first painted version of Orion that's ever existed and you can welcome him into your home this Saturday (July 22nd) when he goes on sale at http://store.unboxindustries.info.  Check that site for more info as it pertains to your area of the world.

Giant Vinyl Mockbats from Paul Kaiju x Unbox Industries

   Forget fiberglass, because Unbox Industries is proving that not only can you make giant figures out of vinyl, but it can also be relatively affordable.  These Mockbats from Paul Kaiju are nearly three feet of sweet sweet plastic that are just as articulated as their smaller relatives.  You have your choice between orange, black, and pink and the preorder for them will begin this Saturday, July 22nd, and they will retail for $750 each, which considering their size seems like a great price to me.  Check out the details at http://store.unboxindustries.info to secure yourself one.  Get one just in time for Halloween and take your decorating into the year 2087.

Attend the First Ever Sucklord Artist Lecture

    You looking for something classy to do with your new Whole Food's shopping friends that play in the band who only use antique ink wells as instruments?  This is not that event.  But if you're looking to have a good time, learn the secrets of being an international toy bootlegger, and probably meet other folks of ill repute, then do I have your plans sewn up for Friday night.  The Sucklord is hosting an artist talk at Con Artist Collective in New York.  For a mere $6 you will not only get to hear a world famous artist wax poetic about his life and work, but you also get a free toy and a drink ticket!  It's like buying a Happy Meal but without the heart disease!  Get more info and tickets at https://conartistnyc.com.  

Naomi Knaff is Running a Summer Sale

    The summer is flying right by, which I'm cool with because it is too hot for my blood out there.  I've used gallons of sunscreen so I don't fry like bacon and I've certainly been bitten by enough bugs to have turned into Spider Man by now.  Summer is not all bad though, because sometimes you get to buy cool stuff on sale.  Case in point, Naomi Knaff is running a sale on her website that will give you 25% off anything you want by merely typing in the code SWEATYTOYS at checkout.  Get yourself some crazy resin madness at low low prices by checking out http://www.naomiknaff.com.  The offer is only good for the week so quit your procrastinating.