Marbled Vinyl Tauro from Splurrt x Lulubell Toy Bodega

     I've been thinking about building a labyrinth as one of those mid life crisis type things.  Originally I wanted to build a Viking ship on my lawn and it would attract the media and maybe garner me some mild internet celebrity (until some starlet's phone with saucy pictures gets hacked).  I thought it could be pretty inspirational as well as being a serious code violation.  But then I was thinking that no one has built a good labyrinth in ages.  Corn mazes in no way count because anyone can just walk through the damn corn to escape.  And there's nothing epic waiting for you if you make your way out of one, other than a hay ride and the in ability to re-wear your itchy clothes before washing them.  That is the opposite of feeling like you achieved something great.

    Every great labyrinth needs a great monster and Tauro fits the bill perfectly.  Though he may be only 10 inches of sweet plastic he does aspire to greatness and I'd be willing to hire him once construction is completed.  This mighty beast from Splurrt will be available this Saturday, September 9, at noon pacific time for $135 plus shipping.  He is a mixture of brown, white, and gold glitter vinyl and is exclusive to Lulubell Toys.  Snag one at https://www.lulubelltoys.com.

Horror and Sci-Fi Madballs from James Groman x Kidrobot

    This one is going in the "straight outta nowhere" file as Best Buy stores around the country have released these horror and sci-fi themed Madballs from Kidrobot.  These foam balls are so much like the originals that they even got the creator of Madballs, James Groman, to design these (along with the fine folks at Bigshot Toyworks).  There's six different ones to choose from if you're one of those people that has impulse control and can somehow resist buying all of them.  If you are, I don't understand your life.

   On a side note, I am all about Best Buy carrying more stuff like this.  I've got one of their credit cards for whenever our appliances die, as our microwave did not so long ago.  The one I wanted didn't get me to the no interest financing deal, so I had to add to my sale.  I ended up buying iTunes gift cards, but I could have gotten something like this instead.  Now if car dealers would carry other stuff that I could trade my 2002 Mustang towards, I'd be in business.  Like a hot dog stand.  Or one of those sky diving simulators.  Or an in ground pool for my basement.

Blank Green Serpentoid from Michael Skattum x Gums Productions

    This is precisely why you don't go digging up ancient graves.  You think you're going to unlock the mystery of how a long past culture lived.  That with each shovel full of dirt you're inches closer to a  mostly boring special on the History Channel (American Ripper was a letdown and after reading an article describing the exhumation of H. H. Holmes from a person who was there, a complete farce.  Here's the link for anyone that watched the finale.).  Instead, you just create a pathway to freedom for some dude like this, who will then infect human kind with his snake juice and turn us all into reptilian slave people.  Thanks a lot, bub.

    Michael Skattum and Gums Productions are back at their crazy figure shenanigans with the debut of Serpentoid!  This 8 inch tall figure features two points of articulation located right at those ape-like fore limbs and is scarier than anything Brendan Frasier faced in those Mummy movies.  You can get one right now for $65 (which includes world wide shipping) by checking out http://www.michaelskattum.com.  

     

The Debut of Fossil Pods from James Groman x Toy Art Gallery

   Good thing I kept my eclipse glasses because these things are so yellow they make my retinas nervous.  You certainly won't be able to miss the debut of James Groman's dinosaur meets insect mini figures known as Fossil Pods, and I certainly wouldn't want to.  I've been looking forward to these since Toy Art Gallery started posting teasers.  I'm a sucker for weird animal evolution (who isn't when you think about it) and these look mighty killer.

    You can get you hands on these toys that would have blown Darwin's mind when they go on sale today, September 1, at noon pacific time.  Get the entire set of five for a mere $60.  I know you got paid today, so you've got it.  Yeah, you could pay bills I guess, but just remember there's an active volcano sitting beneath Yellowstone National Park that is way past due for a monumental, wipeout half of the United States-size explosion.  Buy the toys.

Get em at www.toyartgallery.com.

Used Sketty 8 Inch Dunny from Sket-One

    

       Peanut butter is my jam (see what I did there) but I really only like the chunky version.  I've got this weird texture issue with food that's too soft, so those extra bits of peanuts hidden throughout are there to save me from utter disgust.  I also prefer lumpy mashed potatoes, french fries that are well done on the outside, and bread that has a crust that could undo the best dental work.  Please don't send me any food though, because I have another weird issue about people trying to feed me.  This is getting way too personal.

    I won't hold it against Sket-One that his latest Dunny is lacking the crunchy bits I love, but only because this toy is completely not edible.  And to top it all off someone has been mighty liberal in their use of this lunch time staple, as most of it's contents are long gone.  That's ok though, because like I said before you won't be making sandwiches with this toy; you'll only be making other collectors jealous at your awesome score.  

    Each eight inch figure comes with a mini jar of peanut butter, a slice of bread, and a knife with a little bit of the good stuff still attached to the end.  You can preorder yourself one starting tomorrow ( Friday, September 1st) at 12am eastern time for a period of 24 hours.  Once that day is up, the window for purchase will be closed and the manufacturing will commence.  These are only available from http://sketone.storenvy.com.

The Heck Resin Figure from We Become Monsters

    Why is it that doctors have all the worst art in their offices?  You'd think they'd be able to afford something really nice, but everything looks like it belongs at a thrift store.  I get that you can't put anything crazy like a Hieronymus Bosch in the waiting room of your dentist's office (though Ive been to a dentist where that would have fit right in with his bedside manner) but you can certainly do better.  All this brings me to a painting hanging in the office of my doctor.  It depicts a man standing behind a basket that is filled with severed heads.  The basket is cleverly labeled "new heads" in case there was any question of what it contained, and is in theory supposed to represent how great it would be if you had an issue with your own mind to just swap it with a spare.  I personally read it as the young man that created the painting is in no subtle way trying to tell you about his love for dismembering human bodies and what would be found beneath the floor boards of his kitchen should you be curious.  His confessional looks like it was created by a fifth grader, which adds the unease I feel every time I look at it.  The only time I think a boring painting by Monet would be a bit more appropriate is if it is replacing one given to you by the criminally insane. 

    Having multiple heads lying around isn't always a bad thing, even if they do come knocking on your door with a search warrant.  Case in point, this new creation from We Become Monsters.  It's called The Heck, and is a scaled down version of one of his other figures, The Hell.  There are three different colors of this four inch figure to collect, and each comes with an alternate head for mixing and matching how you see fit.  Available exclusively from http://webecomemonsters.storenvy.com, these suckers are hand made and extremely limited.   

Resin Cthulhu Madball from Magitarius

    

    Even The Old Ones recognize how important a game of catch is to help a father bond with his son. Plus, the development of hand eye coordination is really important if one day you are to return to this world and decimate mankind.  Hence we have this Cthulhu Madball from the resin slinging folks at Magitarius.  Limited to just five pieces in this color scheme, each one will prepare your throwing arm in no time for that all important moment when you rise from the sea and take back what is rightfully yours.  Pick one up now over at http://www.magitarius.com.