Story Killers: Little Red Riding Hood from Stephane Levallois X Artoyz

 

  It is known fact that the best way to defeat your enemy and ward off future ones is to sever their head and wear it on yours Halloween mask style. That old "head on the pike" thing is beyond passé and barely even serves as a deterrent anymore.  The smell is weird at first but no more so than the New Jersey air I breathe anyway.

   Take Little Red Riding Hood here.  Far from being dinner for any wolf, she has seperated head from neck and created herself a nice little organic helmet.  This twist on the classic fairy tale was created by Stephane Levallois and the sepia toned edition you see will be the last incarnation of this figure ever.  Produced by Artoyz and available for a special lower price until April 30th, you can add one of these limited edition sociopaths to your collection by visiting https://artoyz.com/shop/en/.

Metallic Devil Sofubi Sets and Blank Blue Kronos Release from Splurrt

    American pride has certainly taken a hit in recent years with the shenanigans that are going on in our government, but this metallic paint job from Splurrt is making me feel a little patriotic.  I got an urge to fire up the grill, light some seriously dangerous fire works, and put on a backyard wrestling match for the neighbors.  Do you see how two out of three of those things involved the word "fire"?   As Americans we've really embraced that discovery from our cave men ancestors and held on to it like the safety bar of a haphazardly constructed carnival ride.   Oh, and the third thing will involve fire as well when we have a no holds bared flaming table ladder match for the Southern New Jersey Bad Ideas Championship.  I know what my fans want.  

    Splurrt is one of the reigning kings of the American sofubi scene and his Usir figure is one of my favorite designs of all time.  He paired that little buddy up with his Demon figure for a special two pack that will have people scrambling on their internet machines.  Releasing this Saturday at noon eastern time, these sets, along with a special blue blank of his magnificently huge Kronos figure, will be available exclusively through http://splurrt.bigcartel.com.

Glow in the Dark Resin Faffnuffs from Miss Monster

    I haven't seen them yet this year, but a family of well fed chipmunks lives under our porch.  I know they're well fed because they come out and vacuum up any bird seed that happens to fall from our feeder.  Like fuzzy little Roombas they quickly and efficiently load their cheeks with anything they suppose is edible, and run back to their sanctuary beneath my front door.  Someone I work with thought it was gross that I would be cool with little critters setting up camp in such close proximity but meanwhile they have actual human children living inside their home, which seems way less sanitary to me.  And noisey.  And expensive.  And less adorable.

    I don't know what Faffnuffs eat, but I would imagine it involves much more than birdseed.  They look as if their jaws would spring open trash can like and devour anything that happened to fall in.  Miss Monster's resin buddies also glow in the dark, which is a great party trick if you ever happen to master it.  Do people really do tricks at parties or is the idea of a party trick something that was never really a thing?  My party trick, if I ever found myself suckered into going one, was to find the cat and or dog and ignore everyone else.  Penn and Teller never nailed that one as well as I did.

    These will be available today (Tuesday April 3rd) at 2pm pacific time from https://missmonster.myshopify.com.


    

New Rampage Toys Exclusives from Tenacious Toys

    I have lived the majority of my life ignorant to the fact that there are some people who believe dinosaurs are a hoax.  I can't remember how this was brought to my attention, but a few years ago I found myself perplexed at the idea of it being a total conspiracy.  As far as epic pranks go it would be a pretty good one I guess, though I struggle to see an end game.  The entire point of conning someone is the big reveal, otherwise they never know that you got one over on them in the first place.  Maybe the guy that planned the whole thing died before he could prove us to be morons and having kept his plan a secret no one else was able to let us in on the joke.  Nope, still sounds as idiotic as the Earth being flat.  

    Rampage Toys certainly believes in the former existence of dinosaurs, though his ideas about their ocular anatomy differs slightly from the fossil record.  What they lack in depth perception they make up for in charm, and these sets of reptilian friends are about as cute as any lizard can hope to be.  These, along with three unicorns of varying ugliness, are all exclusive to Tenacious Toys and available for preorder as we speak.  Secure them for your collection by visiting https://www.tenacioustoys.com.  

Seatus Kickstarter Campaign from Gruesome Toys

   The sea may be a cruel mistress, but the world of toy production is an expensive one.  While many of us may have killer ideas for a vinyl figure not many of us have the stacks of cash laying around to make it happen.  Thankfully creative types can turn to a website like Kickstarter to make all of their dreams come true, which is exactly what Gruesome Toys have done with their debut figure Seatus.  This salt water dwelling critter is on the home stretch of being produced and now needs your help to get him all the way there.  By now you know how this works:  you select a level to pledge towards their goal and you get sweet rewards like exclusive colorways of the toy and tons of other extras.  As of this writing they are just over half way funded and you can help by checking out this link.

We Were Ranked #26 According to Rankedblogs.Com

   A website by the name of Ranked Blogs has ranked us number 26 in the world!  If this were the Olympics we're nowhere near medal contention, but they'd probably let us keep our warm up suits.  Hey, they may even fly us back home for free.  I have no idea what criteria they use to rank websites; if they use stolen Facebook data or ask a Ouija board, but it's always nice to be recognized even when you're not sure what you did.  Unless that recognition is from a law enforcement agency, because then I'd prefer to remain ignored. 

   Thanks again and I'll keep pretending like I have any idea what I'm doing.

GID Nuclear Nightbreed Glampyre from Martin Ontiveros x Toy Art Gallery

    

    Officially it is the third day of spring, which to me means chirping birds, trees growing their leaves back, and weather that is warmer than the bitter chill of winter.  Instead what I have outside my window is about 6 inches of snow.  This is completely unacceptable.  I have done my fair share of shoveling and I have certainly discovered my fair share of black ice on darkened roadways.  Yeah, I could move to Florida and experience nice weather the majority of the year, but then I'd have to worry about getting bitten by some hillbilly with a Monster Energy Drink logo tattooed on his arm who takes off from working at the alligator farm for "religious reasons" whenever the Insane Clown Posse releases a new album.  I'll deal with the snow.

    Martin Ontiveros is keeping those chill winter vibes alive with this glow in the dark Glampyre.  Produced by Toy Art Gallery and hand painted by the man himself, this limited edition run of soft vinyl figures will retail for $180 each.  But wait, there's more...

    Three hand painted one-offs as well?  When uniqueness is a must for your collection then you've gotta snag a toy so limited you're the only one that owns it.  Releasing at the same time as those frozen looking dudes up top will be these three dudes you see before you.  Each is one of a kind and will be $250 each.  Treat yourself when they all go on sale tomorrow, Friday March 23rd, at noon pacific time at www.toyartgallery.com.