Mixed Parts Suckfly from Cure x Lulubell Toys

   Bats are awesome.  They're like little puppy birds that just want your love.  Sometimes they even seek you out for that love, which is really interesting when they do so by hanging on the curtains in your kitchen.  I lived in an old farm house in Virginia and the bats we didn't know were living in the attic decided that they wanted to check out the rest of the house.  So one day while attempting to get breakfast we found them taking a nap right above the window.  It nearly scared my mom to death but I thought they were cool (like any weird teenage boy would) and rather than disturb them we just left them alone and they moved on to more exciting pastures.  Which was most likely the house next door, which had no electricity and whose residents once forced us to evacuate after building a bomb on their porch with a propane tank.  A small thing like a bat infestation would probably go unnoticed there.

    After many moons the Suckfly from Cure has returned in mixed parts form. You don't get to choose your color combo, but how could you be upset by any version of these you get?  The answer is you can't, so stop worrying and start buying when these go on sale tomorrow, Wednesday July 11th, at noon pacific time from Lulubell Toys.

    

The Witch Black Phillip Figure from Readful Things

   Black Phillip! Black Phillip!  Oh, the fun songs that little heathens make up.  I just saw The Witch a few weeks ago and here are my thoughts on the film.  For one I was really thankful for closed captioning because I could not understand anything anyone was saying.  Secondly, you should never go anywhere near a house that is all by itself in the woods because it is either filled with witches or rural crackheads, neither of whom you want biting you.  And lastly, the devil didn't really have to spend much for souls back in the day.  All he did was mention butter and she couldn't wait to sign her life away.  Now he has to at least shell out for an iPhone or a Maserratti before he can convince anyone that eternal damnation sounds like a worthy trade.  Inflation truly hits everyone.

   I am thankful for the bootleggers out there who are working hard creating the action figures that regular toy companies are neglecting, and this Black Phillip toy from Readful Things is genius.  You can own everyone's favorite bad idea goat when he goes on sale this Friday, July 6th, at https://www.etsy.com/shop/readfulthings.  

Electro Cyclops - X Lottery from Plaseebo

    Millions of Americans will celebrate the Fourth of July today, as they highlight the good parts of our country and try to briefly forget about the crap storm we are going through right now.  They will drink and they will light explosives which will also mean trips to the emergency room and doctors trying to reattach fingers that have been stored in sandwich bags of ice.  If there's one thing we as Americans know how to do, it's bodily harm in the name of being festive.  Avoid the need for expensive reconstructive surgery for a thrill that lasts a few seconds and instead invest in a piece of art that will glow and change colors as long as you keep the batteries fresh.  

   Plaseebo doesn't want you to make meat mittens, which is why he has offered up this killer Electro Cyclops - X lottery do distract you from your explosive misdeeds.  There are four of these 8 and 1/2 inch figures up for grabs and your chance at buying one hinges on you following these directions:

To enter lottery, please send the following to:   bob@plaseebo.net 

1.  Name

2.  Shipping Address 

3.  Country

4.  Telephone Number

5.  PayPal Email Address

6.  Instagram / Facebook ID

Lottery winners will receive notification emails by July 7, 2018. Figures will ship upon receipt of payment due by July 10th.

You only have until Thursday, July 5th, to enter.  

LaMorrttt More Dead Than Death Itself Edition from Naomi Knaff

   Black coffee.  Black metal. Black t-shirts.  I have no use for the first one, but the other two are delightful.  Now you can add LaMorrttt to that list as he has shed all color and become the epitome of darkness.  Gaze into the void and allow yourself to be swallowed by the abyss!!!  Or you could just put him on your shelf and admire him from a good safe distance.  I'd say ten feet is probably a nice start to not be drawn into oblivion, but there's really no trusted authority that I know of with any published literature on the subject.  You should consult your local library to be sure.

  Naomi Knaff's vinyl creation was brought to life by Planet X and is only available via www.naomiknaff.com for $70 each.

   

Glow In The Dark Budfoot Preorder from Wonder Goblin

   New Jersey is on the verge of legalizing recreational marijuana and the ads for jobs in that industry have already popped up online.  They're looking for people that have a history with growing the stuff, which last time I checked is a skill that can land you in jail until it can't.  Who in their right mind is going to put on paper that they've got a degree from Cheech and Chong University when that could be used against them in a court of law?  Then again, the Gratefull Dead were considered quality entertainment by stoners for many years, so clear lines of thinking and massive weed consumption might be mutually exclusive.  The kicker is those jobs pay a lot and I wish I had been more of a deviant when I was younger so I was qualified.  My egg plants are doing really well, though.

   This is Buddfoot, and in this incarnation he glows as green as his favorite substance on Earth.     Wonder Goblin's 12 inch tall super sofubi figure has six points of articulation and comes with an extra special accessory that he doesn't want to get pulled over with in the Garden State just yet.   Those days are coming, good buddy, and soon the we won't just be famous for growing award winning tomatoes.  The state is famous for it, not me.  My tomatoes always end up with worms.

   For $125 those midnight trips to the bathroom can get a whole lot more interesting.  Snag one when they drop this Sunday, July 1st at 11am, only from https://www.wondergoblin.com.

BurgerCat Sofubi from Nathan Hamill x Science Patrol

    Have you heard about the tick that carries an illness that makes you allergic to red meat?  I'm freaking out about it because now the damn things have been found in New Jersey.  I swear to anyone that's listening if one of those things bites me I will make it my life's mission to cry myself to sleep every night because I miss hamburgers.  For real, this is a legit concern as my diet consists of 80% red meat, 10% generic honey and nut cereal from Target, and 10% Pepsi.  I am not capable of making a change that big in my life, least of all when it comes to food.  Here's a view into my desperation here:  I have a large garden and grow lots of edible things, not to eat mind you, but because I really really love looking at tiny baby vegetables.  Every morning I go outside and check to see if tiny baby vegetables sprouted.  That makes me happy and keeps me from punching strangers.  Ps: I love red meat.

   Let's make it perfectly clear that this is a cat that is shaped like a hamburger, and not some sicko's idea of lunch.  Nathan Hamill's latest creation has been brought to life using luxurious Japanese sofubi by Science Patrol and is making it's full color debut this Friday (June 29th).  A mere $25 will get you one and they are available exclusively at http://sciencepatrol.storenvy.com.




   

Mini Draculobsters from Draculazer x Gums Productions

 

     Did you think Draculobsters just popped out of their egg sacs and were all of a sudden fully grown?  That's silly, cause like you they also have to experience the pitfalls of child hood.  They have to go to evil crustacean mutant school, they have to learn not top drag their victim's remains all over the just vacuumed carpet, and they have to experience the painful awkwardness that sea monster puberty brings with it.  Love is not always pretty, my friends, as anyone who has come upon one of these things while it is in the throes of hormonal confusion can attest to.

    I myself am a fan of this little guy, which is why I already bought the green one from Draculazer himself.  Now is your chance to get one or al of them courtesy of the folks that produced em at Gums Productions.  You can pick from one or you can buy the whole set, which is the only way you can get the ultra stealth clear edition.  It's on the very right hand side of the picture in case his camouflage was throwing off your cones and rods.  Get an instant collection of trouble makers by visiting https://shop.gumsproductions.com/.