Dreamsnake Resin Mini Figure from Retroband x Deadly Delivery

   I often have dreams in which snakes are present and no matter what they were up to or where they are in relation to the dream they will inevitably bite me.  I could be minding my own business in some crazy scenario my brain has concocted and the moment a snake enters the scene his fangs end up buried in my skin.  I don't know what I did to you snakes, but I'm gonna need to stop harassing me in my sleep cause your nonsense is getting old.  Don't bother trying to psychoanalyze any of this, because my health insurance is gonna deny the claim.

   This mini resin serpent man is the creation of Retroband and part of the Deadly Delivery collective of artists.  If you're more trustworthy of fanged creatures than I am, you can invite this little dude into your home when he goes on sale Saturday, August 18th, at 12 pm central time from https://deadlydelivery.bigcartel.com.

Stone Edition Trayjus Resin Figure from Scott Tolleson

   I'm beyond disgusted with my home owners association and I am devising ways to express said disgust in a creative manner.  I won't get into the numerous reasons I would like to cage fight them all, mostly because as I typed them all out I felt really petty and then hastily deleted them.  But seriously, how are you gonna not fix the street lights and force me to come home in pitch blackness when there are vampires and crack heads around?  A bite from either one will completely wreck your life/immune system.

   One of my ideas involves buying a concrete statue of Poseidon to put in my flower bed.  You know, the real tacky ones that people who think they're fancy have at their house cause in their minds it somehow transforms their rancher into the Palace of Versailles.  Ok, I'll be honest, I kind of want one anyway, but now I feel would be the perfect time and this is the perfect excuse to finally own one.  Unless someone wants to make me a fountain featuring a giant spitting cobra because I would actually prefer that.

    Scott Tolleson got me thinking about all of this nonsense when I saw the above photo for his statue inspired Trayjus.  He'd have to do some serious upscaling for this to fit into my war of attrition, but he'd still be pretty cool just chillin on a book shelf.  Only 12 of these resin figures exist and will retail for $70 each when they go on sale this Friday, August 17th, at 9am pacific time.  The only place to find them will be http://www.stolleart.com.

Croconana Fundraiser from Sorbet Jungle x Horrible Adorables

     This past week our cable company decided to tempt us by offering a preview of this new movie channel.  There were a few films we had wanted to see and were not willing to pay for so we hunkered down and power watched a few.  This is the exchange between my wife and I during our second movie:

Sharon: You must be in a Jennifer Lawrence mood tonight.

Me:  What's that supposed to mean?  She wasn't in the last movie.

Sharon:  Yeah, she was.

Me:  That was definitely not her.

    Now imagine this lasting for about another half hour only to be settled with the help of the Internet.  Skip ahead some and she looks over as I'm scrolling through suggested posts I might like on Instagram.

Me:  **shows wife picture of adorable black kitten**

Sharon:  Oh, that's Hawkeye.

Me: **confused** You mean to tell me you are on a first name basis with a random black kitten online but have no idea what one of the most famous actresses in the world looks like?

   We love critters in this household and that's why I love what Horrible Adorables and Sorbet Jungle are doing with this awesome fundraiser.  They've set up a Go Fund Me page to raise money for The Wildlife Conservation Network and for every five dollars you donate you'll get an entry to win this Croconana figure.  He is a completely hand made toy that is a foot long and six inches tall and features the signature felt scale work that Horrible Adorables is known for.  And speaking of critters and bananas, my cat Jorah loves to lick banana peels before they are discarded.  He will race from the other side of the house the moment he knows your done and treats it like its the best thing going.  I don't know how he'd feel about a banana shaped crocodile, but I'm sure he'd like to find out.

   Check out the link at https://www.gofundme.com/croconana, donate, and be entered to win!

Custom LaMorrtt Release from Nate the Milkman x Naomi Knaff

    I love seeing main stream toy releases that have the audacity to put a sticker on their box touting them as limited edition followed by a number that's in the tens of thousands.  Proudly they shine with metallic luster proclaiming that only you and 25,000 of your closest friends could possibly be the lucky owners of this figure.  Most stadiums can't hold that many people at one time so the idea of being hard to find is kind of laughable.  You wanna know limited?  How about three, as in only three people that are currently alive or that will be born before the release date can ever own one of these.  Those are numbers that inspire fights and a lifetime of envy from anyone who misses out.

    Nate the Milkman is not an actual milk man as far as I know, but he is delivering the goods (see what I did there) when it comes to these custom LaMorrtts.  He painted up three of Naomi Knaff's vinyl babies and if offering them for sale via his website today, August 10th, at 5pm pacific time.  They will be $120 each and can only be found at natethemilkman.bigcartel.com.

Holographic Tauro from Splurrt x Lulubell Toys

     I don't get the appeal of mazes.  Why is it that ever fall people are so damn excited to pay to get lost in a corn field for hours?  I love to take a walk in the woods every now and then but that's more of an adventure.  Who knows what abandoned structures or wildlife or dead bodies you may come across.  But a corn maze is just a bunch of dried up stalks cut in a pattern meant to confuse you and cause arguments with your significant other who will trash your navigational skills and whose father would have never given you permission to marry his daughter if he had even the hint of your lack of leadership abilities under duress.  And there's not even a minotaur at the end that you have to battle, just some kid making minimum wage that directs you back to the parking lot.  They should have a counselor there to repair all of the emotional damage this "fun" tradition inflicts on relationships.  

    I don't know where you would go to hire a minotaur for a corn maze, but if you really cared about your guests you would go the extra mile and find out.  Can you imagine how great that would be?  Especially for the first people to go through it, imagining that the monster at the end is just some guy from the haunted hayride in a suit, when in fact it is a living, stinking, bull monster who likes to crack skulls for fun.  I can and I am delighted.  This monstrosity from Splurrt would be the perfect anchor to any maze, though he'd need to be a tad bit bigger to inspire any real fear.  At ten inches tall he is an impressive toy though and you can add one to your collection this Friday (August 10th) when he goes on sale from Lulubell Toys.  Extremely limited and featuring crazy holographic paint, and retailing for $135, get one when they go on sale at noon pacific time from https://www.lulubelltoys.com.

Beastie Droids Enamel Pins from Dead Greedy

    When I was a boy I had a killer denim hat with a panther enamel pin lodged in the front.  Then I had to go and get a wicked case of head lice and my mom chucked that thing in the trash because she swore it was harboring little fugitives.  She wouldn't let me get my sweet panther pin, even though there was no way scientifically speaking that anything was living on that.  I could have put it on my matching jean jacket, or I could have saved it in my treasure box until I was older to prove how tough I am so I wouldn't have to tell everyone like I have to do now.  Parents need to think about this stuff before they over react about a little infestation.

    I know I've told that story before and it's cool because it's the only enamel pin experience I have.  Oh, it's true, after my panther was ripped from my life I never bought another one, so every time I write about pins I'm gonna recycle that trauma.  Dead Greedy is trying hard to melt my hardened heart with these wearable versions of his Beastie Droids figures.  They've been featured on a hit television comedy and have a place in collections around the world and now they can adorn your wardrobe.  You get all three pins for $25 packaged up to look just like the bootlegs that inspired them.  Order yours at http://www.deadgreedy.com.

Melted Crayon Editions from Miscreation Toys x Lulubell Toys

    Is this one of those posts that's going to come back and haunt me later in life?  By writing about undead babies am I setting myself up to be fired from a sweet gig later on?  All of their trouble people find themselves in by people digging into old Tweets and whatnot has made me think about my own internet history.  I try to be humorous and in doing so have joked about drugs, serial killers, mental illness, a plethora of criminal activity, dismemberment, republicans, bodily fluids, reptilian overlords, and a few other things that have become the victim of memory loss.  Screw it, let's talk about some zombie kids.

    My sister had one of those crayon melting machines when she was little, in which you load broken pieces onto a heated plate and create new ones with all the colors mixed together.  The results are not unlike the look of these two little heathens from Miscreation Toys.  Whether you have your eye on the very descriptively named Autopsy Zombie Staple Baby (as seen above) or the subtly named Gergle (as seen below) your journey into plastic parenthood will be more colorful than you could have ever imagined.  Available not through Lulubell Toys as an open preorder until August 11th, you can start or add to your brood by visiting https://www.lulubelltoys.com.