"Purple People Eater" Hag Defender Lottery from Wonder Goblin

    

     I've had this idea about human illness that I'd like to go ahead and share with you right now.  My wife and I have been battling some mutated sinus nonsense for the better part of two weeks and nothing in the world has been as satisfying to me than to crank the water in the shower to scalding, inhale the steam, and fire as much matter from my nose as I'm physically able.  There's nothing quite like having a mass dislodge from your sinus cavity and having it wash down the drain.  So while I have no power to make this a thing, wouldn't it be amazing if any time you had a cold or virus or any type of illness that you just had to evict some sentient ball of ick to know that you would be ok?  Like, once it came out you knew that you wouldn't be sick anymore.  I imagine it having little arms and probably cursing at you in German upon being exposed to the light, but the personal attacks it would lob at you would be nothing when you realized that soon all of your sniffles would be gone.  

    Wonder Goblin's Hag Defender looks a little more extreme than the viral core I described to you above, but he also looks like he could do some damage if you ever ingested one via undercooked fish.    Thankfully for us this dude is less interested in wrecking your immune system than he is keeping his queen safe.  This limited "Purple People Eater" colorway is going to be available via a lottery system that begins on Saturday, January 12th at 6pm est and ends 24 hours later.  And lest you think there will be some random number generator picking the winners, because they will actually be picked live on Instagram via this contraption:

    This thing is insane and I guarantee Wonder Goblin is going to get a lot of requests to purchase it.  He's not for sale, but the Hag Defenders sure will be.  Each 5 and 1/2 inch figure will retail for $180 plus shipping, so if you win have those dollar bills ready to go.  Enter the lottery by visiting https://www.wondergoblin.com.

Spy Boy Resin Figure from Compton III

      The Mummer's Parade just took place on New Year's Day in Philadelphia, and anyone not from the area most likely has no idea what I'm talking about.  It's a weird experience to say the least, and you should certainly consult Youtube to get a better understanding than I can give you.  I remember seeing a video of them before I moved to the area and I had absolutely no idea what the hell I was watching.  Their's lots of giant sequined covered costumes, string instruments, and choreography that is beyond anything you've ever seen before.  It's another one of those quirky things that makes Philadelphia great and we have certainly not cornered the market when it comes to unusual traditions.  

     There's not much about New Orleans that isn's a spectacle, but I'd be hard pressed to find one bigger than Mardi Gras.  Of course everyone knows all about the parade floats and drunken revelers, but had you heard of the Mardis Gras Indians?  I hadn't until artist Compton III sent me an email about his figure, paying homage to what I learned is a long standing tradition.  Again, mere words are not adequate here, so once again visit Youtube to see what they're all about. 

     This figure is a throwback to the origins of urban vinyl while going beyond the limitations I felt a lot of those early works set for themselves.  It's interesting to look at and invokes an aspect of American culture that until today was completely unknown to me.  I'd say that's a successful work of art, and if you want to add one of these hand painted resin figures to your collection you can do so by visiting www.spacebroccoli.com.  Each one stands 9 and 1/2 inches tall and retails for $350.

Chris Ryniak and Amanda Louise Spayd's Gemnibbler Exclusive from Umi Toys Hawaii

    Happy New Year, ya filthy animals!  The best way to start your next 365 days off right is to treat yourself to some retail therapy.  I started the New Year with a sinus infection; mouth breathing my way home from work last night while R.E.M.'s "It's the End of the World as We Know It" filled the interior of my Hyundai.  Kind of an ominous start to 2019, but if life were easy I certainly wouldn't recognize it if it was standing next to me and tapping my shoulder.  So while I could bore you with top 10 lists or other nonsense that people usually do this time of year, my cold medicine is insisting we throw that idea in the trash and instead tell you about something new.  Brace yourselves, for I am at its mercy.

   There's nothing worse that being a collector of anything and not being able to get each and every thing associated with it.  Do you want to know how many sets of figures I have where I'm only missing one and that one that eludes me is priced at a level that would keep me up at night?  I'd tell you, but lets not dwell on the negative.  Umi Toys is ensuring that every collector of the Thimblestump Hollow series 2 figures from Chris Ryniak and Amanda Louise Spayd will be able to complete their sets by offering up this exclusive Canyon edition Gemnibbler.  This enemy of precious jewels is limited to only 85 pieces, retails for $15, and can only be had by visiting www.umitoyshawaii.com.  One of these will also be included if you are purchasing one of their Fukubukuro lucky bags.

   These figures are produced by the fine folks of Cardboard Spaceship, who have yet to convince NASA that corrugated paper is the best material for use when constructing the shuttle.  

Kazans Sofubi Series from Gary Baseman x APPortfolio

   I love the work of Gary Baseman because he has managed to create things that are instantly recognizable as his without ever feeling stale.  I love it for other reasons as well, but what I mentioned above is no easy task.  So when I saw these posted on Facebook there was no doubt as to who created them, but they in equal measures felt like sometime completely new.  And how can you not be happy when looking at these?  They're the perfect cure for the nasty seasonal depression many of us are going through, though you probably shouldn't rush out and cancel your doctor's appointments just yet.  These critters have yet to be evaluated by the Food and Drig Administration for their therapeutic properties.

   These sofubi figures have been produced by APPortfolio and are available now.  They come in sets of two and will retail for $204 per set.  You can see how they are paired up in the pictures below and you can purchase them by visiting https://apportfolio.shoplineapp.com.

Tenacious Toys Exclusive Sprayed Away Series 1 from Josh Mayhem

   Last summer here at the Jersey Shore a tourist was sitting on the beach when a large gust of wind picked up an umbrella, launched it towards her, and impaled her leg like a javelin.  All this time we had this irrational fear of sharks because of Jaws, when the silent killer was lulling us into complacency with the promise of respite from a brutal sun.  Shade comes at a price, my friends, and that price could very well be your life!  This has been a public service announcement from The Council For Impalement Awareness.

   Josh Mayhem has made what is quite possibly his most appropriate Blown Away series to date.  Utilizing the SprayeeQ Qee platform from Toy2R, he has adequately captured what a popular song and dad jokes have told us for years: you never spray into the wind.  Whether it be paint or more organic substances, the results will always be the same.  Though the embarrassment levels might vary greatly.  

   This exclusive series for Tenacious Toys features 12 hand customized figures with one random glow in the dark chase.  Each piece stands 5 inches tall, will retail for $150, and will be available starting at 3pm today (Wednesday, December 19th) only from www.tenacioustoys.com.  

Spoke Art Exclusive Calico Kittypillar from Casey Weldon x 3A

    The only new cats that will be entering my home any time soon will be of the plastic variety, because I've got a kitty turf war on my hands as we speak.  Two of the five have decided that our house isn't big enough for the both of them, so the black one rolls up on the tiny one like a school yard bully, and the tiny one responds by trying to make force fields out of urine all over the place.  There's nothing quite like laying your head down in anticipation of a good night's sleep and having the serenity broken by a jet stream of pee against the wall.  That girl has some pressure built up and it has ballooned my paper towel budget to absurd levels.  If you find yourself in the same situation, Target sells a product called Urine Destroyer, which sounds metal as hell and really does a good job... and I now realize that this is the most elderly post I've ever written and I am only slightly ashamed.


    While the idea of having a real life Kittypillar sounds pretty awesome, the science behind their creation is a slippery slope I'm not prepared to slide down.  So until kitties on some remote island in the South Pacific evolve naturally into this, we're going to have to dream about it vicariously through the work of Casey Weldon and 3A.  His latest version has a beautiful calico coat , stands eight inches tall, and has enough articulation to push all of your knick knacks straight off of the mantle.  This version is an exclusive to Spoke Art and is limited to only 100 pieces, so if you want one I would stop your procrastinating and get to adopting.  Get yours by visiting https://spoke-art.com.

Lovecraft Inspired "Mythos In My Pocket" Figures from HH Toys

    I can assure you I have neither monsters nor Mythos in my pockets.  I have a Wal-Mart receipt or two, which I will inevitably forget is in there, throw my pants in the wash, and discover later as an unidentifiable wad of football shaped paper.  Now if we were to examine my jacket we would discover all of the various Chap Sticks I've had since owning said garment.  I use them during the winter, forget them come spring, and buy a new one once the weather gets cold.  I can testify in a court of law that I have no idea what the interior of a tube of Chap Stick looks like once the product is completely used.  And they always end up with flecks of unknown debris stuck to it, like some dirt monster is moisturizing his lips when I'm not watching.  This is indeed the biggest trouble I am facing right now, so I take solace in that fact, but it is still a mystery none the less.

   The tales of H.P. Lovecraft have inspired more art than possibly any other stories in recent history and HH Toys are joining that list with their new figure line Mythos In My Pocket.  They've taken prominent characters and even the man himself, shrunken them down, and created a series that will scratch the literary itch of any toy collector.  The best way to get every figure and a few killer bonuses is by getting in on the early bird edition, which will feature a complete set of flesh colored toys, a bonus glow in the dark version, a bonus Cthulhu idol, print, and sticker for just $65 (plus shipping).  Only 100 of those sets will be available beginning Thursday, December 13th, at 5pm eastern time.   The general release will happen on Saturday, December 15th for those of you that can't handle all those extras and just need to keep things simply to the business of the figures.  Whichever way you go, the only way to get them will be through https://mythosinmypocket.com.