Love Slugs from Taylored Curiosities

      My wife is not a fan of slugs, but in her defense she's never seen them presented in such adorable fashion.  So I told her I had a picture on my phone of Love Slugs and she immediately started with her "get that away from me Chris or I will castrate you in your sleep" routine.  She still hasn't forgiven me for showing her a leech I found once, because she classifies those as slugs with tick like capabilities.  I was merely trying to share my discovery with her and it has instead turned into something to be used against me for what has amounted to years.  I now have to preface any discoveries I make, no matter whether in nature or even in the grocery store, with a declaration that it involves nothing that could be construed as a slug or slug like in any fashion.  I don't see it as a hindrance as much as a test to my creative ability to surprise her with gross things.

    Taylored Curiosities is changing the bad PR that slugs all over the world have with her new figures.  Just in time for Valentine's Day, these resin cuties fit together in a loving embrace that will make you go "awwwwww".   Limited to only 10 sets, help usher in the slug as the official bug of love by visiting http://tayloredcuriosities.com.

Aleister Growley Sofubi Debut from Dski One x Lulubell Toys

    Work sucks and everyone knows that, which is why every work place should have at least one dog present at all times to make it a little more bearable.  I have had it with my place of employment's utter lack of puppies, so my excitement for when someone has a dog with them always outweighs my need to enforce the no pets policy where I work.  If you're allergic that's just Darwinism at play and I refuse to allow it to ruin my good time.  Go and be allergic to something legitimate like cobra venom or Republicans.  I think dogs should be allowed everywhere that isn't conducting surgery and that's only if it's not an out patient facility.  I can just barely see the downside of having a corgi on your lap as your abdominal cavity is open. 

    Now if you show up with this dude as your chosen companion I might not be in such a rush to pet his little head.  Do you know how hard it would be for me to type these posts without fingers?  There's magic in those tips.  So thank goodness this little guy is only a toy and not some real hell hound that someone is going to try and claim as an emotional support animal and sit next to me on a plane with.  Dski One made a very limited amount of these in resin last year but has now made the jump to luxurious Japanese vinyl.  You can currently preorder one of these 4 and a 1/2 inch figures for only $25 plus shipping.  $25????  That's a no brainer.  Get yours at www.lulubelltoys.com. 

"Show No Mercy" Reaction Figure from Slayer x Super7

     Super7 is killiiiiiiiiiiiing me with their Reaction figure line.  The designer toy world has largely ignored music licensing for some reason, but thankfully someone has picked up the slack and gotten really creative with it.  I've seen Slayer more than I've seen anyone other than Marilyn Manson so you better believe I lost my mind when I saw this figure pop up on Instagram today.  It features the minotaur character from their debut album in classic action figure scale and the cover artwork as the card backing.  This is obviously a case of buy one figure to open and buy one to keep in the package as you'll need one to set up crazy photoshoots with the rest of your collection.  GI Joe has no idea what's coming for them.

    These will be up for sale beginning next Wednesday, February 13th, at www.super7.com and their retail locations in San Francisco and San Diego.  The kid I went to middle school with who refused to talk to anyone but literally had every Slayer shirt ever printed is probably really excited right now.

   

Obsidian Black FrankenMerrick from Miscreation Toys

     I'm always amazed by things that have been completely taboo and then normalized within my lifetime.  Maybe normal is not the right word to use in this instance, but you certainly wouldn't be driven out of town with pitchforks and torches.  The thing I am speaking of is the time Michael Jackson was rumored to have attempted to buy the skeletal remains of The Elephant Man.  Now there are actual stores you can go to to buy skulls or bones or whatever other bits you want to own, but back then that was super creepy.  I remember hearing about it as a kid and wondering what exactly he planned to do with it.  In my mind he would mount it above his bed like a taxidermied fish.  I'm not sure why the reclined skeleton of Joseph Merrick on the wall of his bedroom is what I automatically came up with instead of a nice museum quality display case, because that seems really weird thinking about it now.

     Where you choose to put your Obsidian Black FrankenMerrick from Miscreation Toys is up to you and I promise I won't find it to be weird.  This sofubi figure combines one of medicine's most famous anomalies with the fictional creature of Mary Shelly's classic novel to create something at home in any nightmare.  Standing at 12 inches tall and featuring 7 points of articulation, each figure will retail for $150 as part of a preorder that is limited to 25 pieces.  Everyone who purchases one will also receive a lottery ticket that gives them a chance to win a special 1 off custom figure.  The preorder starts at 3pm est today, Friday February 1st at https://autopsybabies.bigcartel.com.

Vinyl Rage: The Bacteriophage from DoomCo Designs

    Instagram has become my favorite social media platform because it offers a unique look into the lives of the people that participate.  It's also a great place to see the most disgusting things you couldn't even imagine if you had all of the Faces of Death tapes and help from Andrew Dice Clay.  I got trapped in the whole pimple popping phenomenon, which then led me to watching videos of trauma surgery, and has since become a downward spiral of plaque debridement from neglected teeth and bot fly removal from Peace Corps volunteers.  Back when I was a kid you were left to your own imagination for gross stuff or your father's copy of Chest Trauma Volume 2 that he swore you couldn't reach at the top of the book case.  My once slim physique and the craftsmanship of vintage furniture were a lethal combination when it came to acquiring arcane knowledge.

    DoomCo Designs entered the vinyl toy world in a huge way with the very popular Tarbus the Tardigrade figure.  I have one myself and it's one of the best things I picked up last year.  They're staying microscopic with their latest toy The Bacteriophage and these guys will look much better on your toy shelf than reproducing at will inside your body.  You can infect your collection when these debut this Saturday, February 2nd only at www.doomcodesigns.com.  Produced by Squibbles Ink.

    

Catzilla Overbite and Underbite Lottery from Plaseebo

    Being that 3/5's of my cats sleep in bed with me I am quite thankful that they don't look like this.  It's not a knock against Plaseebo (because I actually quit like these) as much as it is my need to not wake up with a cat face like this staring me down.  I don't mind a stray tooth or two, but there's just something about having a cat that looks like it prowls around Satan's back yard greet me in the morning that is just beyond my comfort zone.

    While you may not want to find one of these in bed with you, they would look nice amongst your other toys.  The only way you can obtain one of these figures is to enter a lottery that closes tomorrow, January 20th.  Hurry up and follow these directions so you can be a part of it:

To enter lottery, please send the following to:  bob(at)plaseebo.net

 
1. Name

2. Shipping Address 

3. Country

4. Telephone Number

5. PayPal Email Address

6. Instagram

Lottery winners will receive notification emails by January 21st. Figures will ship upon receipt of payment due by January 23rd. 

Each one is $350 plus shipping.  

It's Review Time, Suckers!!!! Featuring The Tenacious Toys Exclusive Humpek from Whatshisname x Mighty Jaxx

       Should you ever need a sign that your child's birthday party has taken a turn for the worse; you know beyond the typical crying, vomiting, or inebriated parents loudly discussing the terms of their separation, I present to you Humpek.  Like the name infers, these are two balloon dogs caught in the middle of life's most loving embrace.  I swear, you can't turn your back on one of those birthday clowns without them going off the rails and teaching biology in between the cake and presents.  Stick to the itinerary, you freak!

From this angle it could be seen as an innocent piggy back ride.

    This vinyl toy is the creation of an artist know as Whatshisname, which may be a clever moniker intended to deceive Jeff Koons as to where to send the cease and desist letters.  Can you believe that man actually tried to claim a copyright ownership of balloon animals?  Oh, maybe he'll send me a cease and desist letter for mentioning his name on here.  I've never gotten one of those before, though I'm sure that fact speaks more to my limited audience than to my penchant for typing out what my mind thinks.  If I got one I would hang it on my fridge and I would be insufferable at diner parties, unable to speak about anything else than how the guy who is famous for making hotel lobby art sent me a letter telling me to behave myself before legal action be taken.  Bring it, fancy boy.

The bottom doggy is obviously just helping the other one reach something on a high shelf.

   Ok, I got a little off track there living out my legal fantasies with an artist who irritates me.  Moving on.  This toy was produced by Mighty Jaxx as an homage to how little baby ballon animals are made.  You never see baby balloon animals at all, do you?  That's because the mommy and daddy keep them well hidden from predators like hawks, coyotes, safety pins, over sharpened pencils, etc.  There really are a lot of dangers out in the world for those little guys.  It could also be that tiny balloon animal babies would be extra hard to make with those chubby sausage fingers that birthday clowns all seem to possess.  Those giant digits are great for choking out your cell mate on your felony drug possession stretch, but are a hinderance once you start working the party circuit.

Only Westminster is more thorough in their canine reviews. 

   It's been a minute since I've last reviewed a toy, so I keep getting distracted by the very nature of this creature.  The folks at Mighty Jaxx did a bang up (pun intended) job in making these two love pups a reality.  The piece itself is flawless in terms of construction, which had to be a nightmare considering all of the individual bits that were needed to put one together.  Making something this complex look as though it isn't is no easy task, but they pulled it off.

Still Life

   In creating art the devil is certainly in the details, so imagine how surprised I was when I opened the box (which by the way is the most secure shipment of anything I've ever received) and out popped a jimmy hat.  And it's even got a joke on it.  The only joke I ever heard about condoms was when my step father gave me some in high school.  That was the joke, because I had absolutely no use for them.


   That fancy blue that you've seen in all of these pictures is the exclusive colorway of Tenacious Toys, so that means if you want to own this very one that is the only place you can get it.  I love the color because it stands out against everything else in my house, which my wife and I have attempted to make look like the Parisian apartment of a very rich, yet also kinda crazy, art collector.  Being that I've never been to Paris, let alone in anyone's apartment who was a lunatic patron of the arts, I have no idea how close we've come to nailing the aesthetic.  I also have no way of knowing that we didn't, so I'm calling it a success.

Wednesday refuses to be a pawn in the modern art game.  

   On a side note, this is the second time I've reviewed a toy that was captured in this very act.  I'm not sure what that means in the greater scheme of things, but it felt worth noting.  Also, this may be the review that finally ruins any chance I had at ever running for public office.  Can you see the attack commercials of my opponent?  That would be hilarious and I'd like to declare my candidacy for Senate.

   This is by far the strangest thing I now own, and I am the proud caretaker of a mummified fetal pig and an antique tubular specula, which is fancy speak for an inner butt flashlight (cash only, no insurance plans accepted).  Having one of these on your shelf is sure to jump start conversations that are guaranteed to be more interesting than you could even imagine.   It's fun, it's irreverent, it makes me laugh, and it sent my imagination in all different directions as you can see from the paragraphs above.  If you want to add a good time to your collection, visit www.tenacioustoys.com today and pick up one of these.