Kryptonite GID Grumpy Coal from The Bots x UVD Toys x The Toy Chronicle

 

   Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!!   If you're one of my readers I assume you're already way past drunk or about to be assigned a public defender, but like you're criminal record, this post will be here for you after you sober up.  

     You wouldnt know it by how I dress, but green is my favorite color.  I can't explain it, but it has been since I was a wee little lad and I'm nothing if not loyal.  So in the spirit of the holiday and my ride or die hue, I present to you this Kryptonite Grumpy Coal from The Bots and UVD Toys.  This displeased lump of vinyl is filled with so much negativity that it's even visible in the dark!  That's dedication to one's craft if I've ever seen it.  

    Measuring in at 2 inches tall and 2 inches wide, this version is limited to 100 pieces and exclusively available from The Toy Chronicle. Get one for yourself by checking out this link.  

"Strange Flower" Ushi-Oni from Cereal Box Toys x Tenacious Toys

 

    At my day job I was sitting across the desk from a customer when out of the corner of my eye I saw something descend from the ceiling.  This tiny little spider went full blown Mission Impossible and rappelled directly into her hair.  And when I say hair I mean she had a massive amount of curls that this little dude could get lost in and set up shop virtually undetected until the next time she shampooed.  Not knowing how she would react to a spider on her person and not wanting her to smack and kill it, I had to think quickly to save her dignity and his tiny life.  

"This is kinda weird but I need you to hold still for a second."

   I reached over and snatched the little spider out before he could find any prime real estate. Thankfully she wasn't upset when I showed it to her before putting him outside so he could run free and do whatever it is spiders dream of doing.  And that's why, should the zombie apocalype fall upon us, you should elect me as leader of your survival tribe. I can take decisive action while maintaining a level of compassion so desperately rare in the wasteland.  

    Had he been the same size or looked like the Ushi-Oni from Cereal Box Toys I may have been less inclined to help and more likely to have saved myself.  You're no longer a hero if you don't live long enough to make it to the medal ceremony at the end of the movie.  These Pokemon inspired arachnids are a super limited edition of three pieces and exclusive to Tenacious Toys.  Measuring ten inches wide by six inches tall, they will be $120 each when they go on sale Friday, March 12 at noon eastern time at www.tenacioustoys.com.

Cotton Candy Danger Dog Two Pack from Tenacious Toys

  

   There's not much better in the world than a dog or a cat, until you remember that there are TINY dogs and cats.  Oh my God I am overwhelmed by thoughts of baby animals of all sorts now, like wee baby goats, and the one adorable duckling that's always a little more distracted than the others and has to run real fast to catch up.  As rotten as human beings can be, these tiny little creatures never stop trying to help us achieve our most perfect selves.  I'm gonna need to wrap this up so I can watch videos from The Dodo the rest of the day and attempt to reach Nirvana.

     Tenacious Toys have a cute/fierce looking mascot that is known the world over and now you can bring him home with this special two pack.  You get one pup that stands 5 inches tall, and an oh-so-adorable little guy that stands 2.25 inches.  Only 50 of these Cotton Candy marbled sets were produced and can be yours for only $55. They were manufactured in the United States by Mile High Sofubi and will be available this Friday, February 26 at noon eastern time exclusively from www.tenacioustoys.com.

An Onslaught of Intergalactic Sloths from Cop A Squat Toys

      

     Space freaks me out a little.  Not the idea that's it's there our that its infinite (please brain, do not contemplate that idea) but more or less that I don't want to go and realize I can't turn around and come back.  It's so difficult to get there that if I decide it's not for me after all I am completely stuck until whenever the return trip might be.  I've had this experience the few times I conned myself into getting on a roller coaster and the only thing that saved me from a fatal panic attack was that the ride ended after five minutes and whoever I was with bought me a present for my reluctant bravery.  I am not about to go to space and embarrass myself the way I almost did on the Scooby Doo roller coaster at King's Dominion.  

    There are many times, such as you might have guessed in the first paragraph, that the calm and collected demeanor of the sloth would come in handy for me.  The Sekijun from Cop A Squat Toys exudes a cool confidence needed for space travel.  Well at least his sloth persona does, as his alternate Stalagmite head has a level of distress I'm more familiar with.  There are three sets of five figures, with one of those being completely unique one off versions.  Bring some zen into your life when they go on sale this Saturday (February 20) at noon eastern time only from https://copasquattoys.bigcartel.com/.  Each comes with the aforementioned alternate head so you can change them based on your mood, or you could just leave it as a weird serial killer trophy.   That's probably what you'll do, you sicko.  

Review: Shin-Cookiezilla from Bottleneck Gallery x Gabriel Marquez

    I can unequivocally, without question, assure you that this is the most ridiculously awesome thing I own.  Equal parts bad ass and absurd, Gabriel Marquez and Bottleneck Gallery have created the weirdest figure I have in my collection.  I love Shin Godzilla, and while my big takeaway from the movie was that a lot of bureaucracy is involved when responding to a giant murder lizard, I never would have connected him to everyone's favorite diabetic Muppet.  Luckily, I didn't have to do the hard work and just get to enjoy the end results.  

    This thing is a behemoth in every sense of the word.  I don't know why I am surprised literally every time by a toy's size even though all of them clearly state their measurements beforehand, especially when I work with rulers every day.  He stands nearly a foot tall and is made out of resin, which make this big boy a good sized piece of plastic.  It's been a long time since I've gotten a toy that could double as a weapon, and one well placed smack would be deadlier than any can of Twisted Tea.  

    Despite being a figure that doesn't take itself too seriously, the amount of detail packed into this thing is astounding.  We're talking a full on, high end, movie quality sculpt that would rival any official Shin Godzilla release.  I love the pose of his little arms, like he's beyond frustrated that his local store already sold out of the Lady Gaga Oreo's before he could get there.  There's so much pain, so much longing, so much hell that's about to be unleashed on whoever bought all the limited edition cookies.  

    By far though my favorite detail, which borders hilarity and night terror-inducing, is the face of Grover on his tail.  I don't know whether to laugh or to cover it with a blanket while I sleep, though I suppose neither is the wrong answer.  

    If you were unlucky enough to miss out on these fear not, because Bottleneck Gallery held some back for a second wave. Follow them on Instagram here for more info. And they have an entirely new sculpt they're working on with Gabriel Marquez featuring everyone's favorite flying insect which will be available soon.   

    As an aside, my cats usually love photobombing my toy photos whenever I do reviews, but they all kept a healthy distance from this one.  These are the same cats that tried to punch a snake to death when it slithered in through a previously unknown hole in the wall, so I assumed nothing scared them.  My money is on Grover looking a little too untrustworthy.  

New Limited Edition Dumpster Fires from 100% Soft

   

  The year 2020 was something else, huh? And now that we're a month into 2021 it doesn't look like the magical change we hoped for is coming any time soon.  But do not despair, for every dark, evil, storm cloud has a silver lining, and silver is worth a lot of money if you have enough of it. See, things are getting better already!

    100% Soft created the perfect toy in response to the nonsense that was last year and he has just released two new limited versions so we can continue to celebrate the never ending smolder. There's one for Valentine's Day with extremely non edible candy hearts, and one for the lunar new year, that may or may be filled with enough luck to get you through to brighter days.  Both are available now at https://100soft.shop/.

Buff Monster's Liberty Resin Figures and Prints

   

   Over the last four years, the standard icons of American life evoked anxiety rather than pride for me.  Add corona virus on top of the political turmoil and the term"dumpster fire" barely covered it. Things were pretty bleak, but as of this Wednesday I once again feel like there is hope in the world.  That science, and reason, and basic human decency have a chance to thrive.  And I am more than happy to help support an America-themed release that is finally something positive after such a long time where it would have been impossible to create such a work.  

    Buff Monster has gone full patriotic with this Liberty resin figure.  And he's gone big, because this beacon of freedom stands at nearly a foot tall.  Each one is made of rotocasted resin, is hand painted, and comes in a pretty sweet wooden box befitting its status.  This edition is limited to 25 unique pieces and will be available at 11am on Friday, January 22nd from www.staymelty.com.

    There will also be a limited edition screen print for those of you that still have space on your walls.  I don't know what that's like and have begun rotating our pieces like a museum.  I should really do a themed show one day, just for my wife and the cats.  But back to this print, which is is limited to only 100 copies in this 18" x 24" signed and numbered edition.  It will be available at the same time as the figures on www.staymelty.com.