"Dark Sparkle" Dungby and Pooba Vinyl Set from Andrew Bell

     

       The second night of wedded bliss with my wife was interrupted by something so unholy that by telling the tale I risk invoking its wrath.  But I'm gonna do it anyway because unlike my waistline, my shame has been getting thinner.  It was probably three in the morning and both of us were sound asleep when the ghost of diner's past decided he could no longer linger in silence.  Despite my best nocturnal efforts, a noise rang out from beneath the covers that would have sent shivers down the spine of a corpse.  It was loud, unmistakable for what it was, and I could do nothing but laugh.  I made no attempts to pin it on a burglar or some wild creature that lived in the crawlspace and betrayed any thoughts of innocence as my wife yelled at me using my full legal name and that of Jesus.  Nearly thirteen years later it is still just as funny as it was then.  Possibly because there was a more recent repeat offense, but who can be sure.

    Thankfully the services of our neighborhood dung beetle were not needed that night, because that might have been harder to find the humor in.  The insect you see above is named Dungy, and his perfectly round poop buddy is Pooba, and they are the two best friends that anyone could ever imagine.  And in fact someone did imagine them, as they were created by Andrew Bell and very soon (as in, today) they could become part of your story.  This is the debut edition of this boy (or girl) and his turd will be available begining today, May 12th, at 11 am eastern time exclusively from https://shop.deadzebra.com/.  They are limited to 100 sets and are $65 each.  Oh, and if you remember the fun of dissecting owl pellets in school, you'll be excited to know that Pooba opens up so you can store all of your tiny bones inside.

The Infernal "De Profundis" Edition from Transmission Toys x Unbox Industries

 

    Not having skin would suck, obviously for the whole "you'd be dead" reason, but if you could live without it there are no upsides.  Do you remember those sticky hands you used to be able to get from 25 cent machines at the store and how all the fun was ruined once they got covered in dirt and hair? Now imagine that's your entire body.  I feel gross just thinking about it.  I'm sure I had other examples ready when I started writing this but I am so skeeved out by the idea of my organs looking like an industrial lint trap that I just can't get past it.  

    Transmission Toys has teamed up with the fine folks at Unbox Industries to create their debut figure, The Infernal.  As you can see, he is not a man rich in dermis, but what he lacks in protective covering he more than makes up for with his can-do attitude (probably not though). This toy is made of beautifully marbled soft vinyl, stands 7 and 1/2 inches tall, and will retail for $75 when he goes on sale this Saturday (May 8th) at 11am eastern time. Get yours at http://store.unboxindustries.info/.

Empty Pinata Custom Figures from Pricilla Marquez x Tenacious Toys

 

     According to a semi popular meme we all have two wolves inside of us.  Where they are in relation to our actual guts I have no idea, but that seems to be besides the point.  People post said meme in an attempt to sound tough on Facebook, as one wolf is a nice doggo while the other one is a complete Monster Energy drinking bad ass that will punch holes in your dry wall if you don't watch your mouth! If I had two wolves that somehow lived in my body I'm sure one wants chicken nuggets and the other probably forgot to load the dishwasher.  Put that on a t-shirt and send me my royalties.

     Pricilla Marquez has taken a host of JT Studio's Empty Wolves and added some killer Mexican flare that is so clean I at first thought they were factory made.  I'm loving the colors and motif of this Tenacious Toys exclusive run of hand painted figures, and if you find yourself equally smitten you can add one to your collection when they go on sale this Friday (May 7) at noon eastern time.  Each seven inch figure will retail for $175 and there is a special one of a kind chase figure with different painted features.  Snatch em up at www.tenacioustoys.com.  

Skeletor Shogun Warrior from Mattel Creations

 

    I usually don't write about licensed toys because honestly, most of them are boring.  They're usually the exact same thing you've already seen a thousands times and totally not worth all the dead dinosaurs it took to make them.  But when given some creative freedom, familiar characters can be presented in a way that is not only refreshing, but will make you remember what you love about toy collecting in the first place.  

    Mattel Creations has nailed it with this Shogun Warrior Skeletor figure so damn hard they might be charged with assault.  This is a glorious matchup of one of my favorite supervillains of all time and the giant robot toys from Japan from the 1970's. This thing is massive, standing nearly 2 feet tall and featuring a rocket fist and rocket firing staff.  It will be available tomorrow, Friday April 23, exclusively from https://creations.mattel.com/ for $300.  

Help Resurect The Iron Monster from Miscreation Toys x Lulubell Toys

 

    Despite what the title of this post suggests, your certificate in necromancy from that online course you took will not be necessary here.  I'm sure they have a career counselor or some sort of job placement assistance to help you out, so don' beat yourself up over those student loans just yet.  

    The Iron Monster from Miscreation Toys has suffered a mold malfunction, which is way more expensive than a wardrobe mishap, but thankfully less embarrassing.  I have no idea what happened to it, whether someone damaged it in a fit of rage or whether they don't have the heart to evict a family of spiders that are playing house, but these suckers aren't cheap.  That's why Lulubell Toys is offering up a special preorder to help cover the cost of producing this 14.5 inch behemoth.  There are two different versions available: a neon green for $95 and a mystery tri colored marble for $125.  Secure one or both for yourself at https://lulubelltoys.com/.

Evil Ape Fink "Stunt Fink" Edition from MCA x UVD Toys

     If you think that I have not been to Hell's Canyon, where Evel Knievel unsuccessfully launched himself in a rocket car from Idaho to Oregon, then you are about to feel mighty silly.  Because the fact of the matter is that not only have I gazed nervously over the rocky ledge of the deepest canyon in America, but I have also stood inside of it at the bottom.  I got to the bottom in a much slower, yet ultimately safer way than Evel Knievel did, because its hard to enjoy nature's majesty when your bones are in places no one intended.  And I'm always careful since the time I tried to jump over a little muddy creek in the woods and I fell gloriously, nearly breaking my arm in the process.  My wife still brings that up years later, so falling into Hell's Canyon was never an option.  

    For reasons that are beyond my comprehension, the American flag jumpsuit never caught on as standard office attire.  I think work satisfaction and productivity would skyrocket if you were allowed to feel that good about what you were wearing.  UVD Toys and MCA have decked out the Evil Ape Fink in said attire and frankly, the little guy has never looked better. This four inch titan of vinyl will be available to add to your collection when he's released this Friday, April 9th at noon eastern time.  He'll only be $60, which is way less than the copays my insurance would have charged if I had actually broken my arm.  

Summoning Devil Kickstarter Campaign from The Spicy Donut

   

  While I certainly never agreed with his political views, ol' Charlie Daniels sure wrote a banger when it came to "The Devil Went Down to Georgia."  And while that song, for some reason, isn't a staple at wedding, or bar mitzvahs, or doctor's waiting rooms, its influence is readily apparent in this new vinyl figure from The Spicy Donut. I kinda wonder what I'm good enough at that I'd feel I could beat Satan in a challenge for my soul.  If he wants to square up in a battle of anxiety attacks or picky eating then by golly he better be ready to go home empty handed.  

   Striking a familiar lucky cat style pose, Summoning Devil has a contract for your soul in one hand and a sweet golden fiddle in the other, ready to crank out some crazy riffs.  While this may be one of the most amazing things I've seen in recent memory regarding vinyl toys, it will only come to life if you support the Kickstarter campaign happening now.  As of this post there are only 9 days left, and I know you've got those sweet Biden Bucks at the ready.  Check out the link here and support this sucker while there's still time.