Realm Runners Board Game from Skinner x Jason Furie

 

   There are very few things in life that could ever be considered a sure thing. At this point I would usually list three gradually funnier things, but this morning when I was getting out of the shower one of my cats jumped on my back while I was hunched over drying off my legs and in the interest of him not tearing my flesh as he slid down, I remained in said position. Then I took a step forward, and hit my head on the door jam. At which point I said a few choice words, stood upright causing him to lose his grip, and was flayed like a medieval prisoner anyway. The moral of the story is I left my cleverness for the day in the skull shaped dent of my bathroom and there it shall remain for the time being.

    So other than me getting creatively injured in a feline related incident, the other sure thing in life is that this board game created by Skinner and Jason Furie has already been completely crowd funded and is guaranteed to go into production. So backing it comes with no risk of disappointment, unlike the look on Jacob Peterson’s face when I bested him in the third grade science spelling bee. You really thought you had it wrapped up with “mitochondria”? 

    As with anything Skinner involves himself in, this game looks cosmically insane. His neon Lovecraftian style is splattered all over every inch of this thing, from the box art to the boards, to the miniatures that are exclusive to the deluxe edition set. 

  While this project is fully funded, they’ve got plenty of stretch goals available to make the final product even more mind melting than what you see here. So check out this link and get in on it before you miss out and are all sad and stuff. 

Burn It Down Pink Edition from Czee13

 

    I've seen the slogan "eat the rich" a lot in the last few years, and having come to terms that I myself will most likely not be one of them, I'm not really concerned about their well being. Seriously, the ultra wealthy are responsible for crapping the world up, so sorry if I don't shed a tear. But what I really need to know is are we literally eating them or is it just a catchy slogan for any type of general downfall? I mean, there's a whole lot of people who don't care for Elon Musk and out of those I'm sure a few who are atleast cannibal-curious, but that's a big task. And are we looking for clean plate club type eating or just symbolic gnawing on like a thigh or something? Honestly, I'm a bit picky and I'll be happy to cheer you on like it's Nathan's Famous on July 4th, but I'll probably just eat before I get there if it's all the same. 

    The spirit of chaos and anarchy is alive and well in Czee's latest figure, appropriately named Burn it Down. This resin creation is limited to only 13 pieces, comes with fun merry making accessories, and is housed on a signed and numbered card. This pink edition goes on sale Friday, October 27th at 2pm eastern time only at this link. 

Satanic Symphony: Baphomet Kickstarter from toyVillian x Nemons

 

    It has been a minute (two months worth, but whose keeping track) since my last confession, I mean post. A lot of stuff has happened that kinda made it hard to keep track of doing this sort of thing, but after unsuccessfully guessing my password the required amount of times to get locked out, and stretching my typing fingers for so I didn’t pull a hamstring, I’m back here with all 12 of you. And how could I pass up the opportunity to spread the word about a toy like this. If he doesn’t have your grandma clutching her pearls and wondering what’s become of this world then I suggest you check her pulse cause you might be due a few bereavement days from work. 

    Baphomet represents the idea of balance, but he also looks really cool on heavy metal t-shirts that in my day were a sure fire way to get you kicked out of the mall. Or so I’ve read. This version from toyVillian (aka teeVillian) and Nemons looks like he could have had his own theme park built around him and if Disney were like that I would be way more interested in going. 

    

    Standing at 7 inches tall, this adopted symbol of the occult is in the midst of a Kickstarter campaign intended to make him a reality. Thankfully you don’t have to buy any mystical book or dig up the grave of a Knights Templar member to get one of these for your shelf. All you have to do is visit this link, select your pledge level, and invite this lovable goat-headed being into your home once the campaign is successful. Altar and book of sacred spells not included. 

Ultraman Chibi Kickstarter from Last Bastion Studios

     

    Space is at a premium when it comes to my house. My wife and I are both collectors and neither one of us is fortunate enough to only be obsessed with one thing. I envy those among you who have a singular interest that you can dedicate yourself to pursuing, mainly because it would save me a ton of money, but also because I'm running out of places to put things. I'm not only into designer toys, but I collect Godzilla figures, vintage Steiff, World's Fair memorabilia, guitar picks, Star Wars and whatever else happens to catch my attention. At this point drugs would be cheaper and would also solve my space problem because all of my things would be at the pawn shop. 

    Drugs are bad kids, and I was only kidding about that being a viable alternative. The real solution to the problem is to collect smaller things, like these Ultraman Chibi figures from Last Bastion Studios. At only three inches tall, anyone has room for these dudes no matter how full you've packed your living space. You can tuck em in between things, or on top of other things, or between things. You can hide them and then find them again one day and then it's like you got something new again. 

   These figures are officially licensed from Tsuburaya Productions but will only become a reality if their Kickstarter gets funded. Available rewards include both painted and blank versions, so check out this link and help these go into production. 

She’s Wicked Vinyl Figure from Naomi Knaff

   I don’t have many stories involving spiders because I am content enough to let them do their thing without my interference. It’s actually a good way to live your life in relation to a lot of things and some people may know it as “minding your own damn business” but many choose to ignore it. Anyway, my spider story involves my day job and a person sitting on the other side of my desk. I’m busy trying to convince them to give me all of their money and they’re busy trying to give me as little of their money as possible when I spot something dangling above their head. A tiny little spider has made his way Mission Impossible style from the ceiling and lands right in the poor woman’s hair. Not knowing how she would react to her new tenant and not wanting it to get killed in the process I had to think quickly. So I said the two word that any stranger wants to hear to put them immediately at ease: hold still.

     I reached across the desk, plucked the offending arachnid from her hair, and set him free outside where hopefully he lived a long and prosperous life and was not eaten by a bird or something like that. And what might have happened had I not intervened? You’re about to find out. Or if you looked at the picture up there you already know. Don’t be a smart ass, just go with it.

     She’s Wicked is not only a description, it’s her actual name and it’s easy to see how she came upon it. This is the latest figure from artist Naomi Knaff, who has forced a Lisa Frank notebook to take acid and watch every season of The Bachelor in a row without an intermission. Ok, I don’t know if that’s how she came up with this but I certainly mean it as a compliment. This spooky mamacita features 16 points of articulation, which is like 13 more than I have left at my age, stands 10 inches tall, and is limited to 5 hand painted pieces by the artist herself. She can be yours for $220 when she goes on sale this Thursday June 22 at 8-m European time only at https://www.naomiknaff.com/. 

Resin Artifacts from Maximum Fluoride/Mike Fisher

 

 

   I've been kind of obsessed with videos online of people exploring abandoned places, but my favorite ones are when they find an old forgotten home. In many instances they are time capsules frozen in a moment where everyone just seems to have disappeared. Entire families worth of belongings will sit caked under layers of dust as if their owners had always intended on returning, but something happened to prevent it. Sometimes the urban explorers will rifle through things but often they will leave it undisturbed. See, this is why I don't even bother trying to participate in something like this because my restraint level is next to zero. I've seen plenty of videos that captured stuff I would want and would have a hard time leaving behind. Everything from lamps to pictures to collectibles; I would have my car loaded. Then, because I really like weird stuff, I would end up bringing something home that was cursed and set of a cataclysmic chain of events that would be beyond the help of any priest. I mean seriously, if you don't want people to desire objects full of bad juju then stop making them look so cool. I'm looking at you, human skulls. 

    I can absolutely see one of the Artifacts from Maximum Fluoride stashed away in a forgotten crate in a creepy basement, just waiting for me to find it and declare how perfect it would look on my dresser. That's how the ghosts get you! But I refuse to learn my lesson because good design is always more important than old curses. And these are all brand new, so they haven't even had the chance to be infused with the woe of the ancients yet. 

   There are three different versions to chose from including two pyramid shapes and one made to look like a coffin. All three are available in different color ways that enhance the expert sculpting of Hollywood effects pro Caleb Schneider.  All are available now at https://maximumfluoride.bigcartel.com/.

    

Warlock Trooper from Martin Ontiveros

 

    If they're going to continue to make Star Wars films and TV shows (which, like death and taxes, is inevitable at this point) then I would love to see them take some liberties. Extreme liberties, not just continuing to expand a universe by filling in the back story of every minor character. I'm talking reimagining it from start to finish in different genres. How about a Star Wars horror series? Or what if Tolkien influenced an entire trilogy? Disney has dipped their toes in these waters with the Visions animated shorts, but I want more and I especially want one built around this toy.

     Martin Ontiveros has resurrected his Warlock Trooper resin figure and good God almighty this is what I want the next Star Wars film to look like. A full blown heavy metal video of craziness, which really isn't a stretch because you already have space wizards and laser swords. I don't know the first thing about making movies, but with a starting point like this it practically makes itself. 

   These bad boys are limited to 25 pieces on signed and numbered card backs and can be yours this Friday starting at 10 am Pacific time. You can only find them at martinheadrocks.bigcartel.com .